


Dive

by coffeeandghostwritting



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: AU, Art, Bad Parenting, Big Brother Alec, Coming Out, Drinking, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Inspired by the movie shelter, M/M, Prejudice, Slow Burn, Suicide mention, Surfing, Taking care of a sibling, abuse mention, bad mom maryse, m/m - Freeform, verbal abuse from parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-03 13:16:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11533017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandghostwritting/pseuds/coffeeandghostwritting
Summary: This is an AU, inspired by the movie Shelter (2007).Alec lives in California, and he's a 22 year-old aspiring artist who has to give up his dreams of going to art school to work and take care of his brother. He ends up falling in love with his best friend's adoptive brother (Magnus).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely readers! Okay, I had this idea to write a fic inspired by the movie Shelter! Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen it, it's amazing and you should! So, those of you who have, I did change some things around, such as characters, etc to help fit the plot better.
> 
> Also, I'll add tags as I go, and I'm horrible at summaries!

Alec loved the feel of the wind when he skateboards through the rough streets of San Pedro, spray painting tags whenever he feels inspired. Sometimes Alec felt like his art was the only thing giving this place he called home any beauty.

Alec found an empty wall, abandoned with nothing on it, beige in color, the train tracks behind it. He felt inspired looking at it; it always excited him when he found a real life canvas, something to work with at such a grand scale.

Alec stopped his skateboard, taking his stencil outline out and quickly spray painted it onto the wall. Alec did a quick survey of his surroundings, making sure no one was around.

Cops usually didn’t like to bother with this area, having better things to do than to waste their time on the likes of his kind, but that didn’t stop them from wanting to throw their weight around any chance they got, and the last thing Alec needed was trouble with the cops; there were too many people counting on him.

Making art, it’s what made all the shit worth it, it’s what made the ghosts in his head and the pull in his heart telling him he was different, not like the rest, bearable. So Alec created, he created what he couldn’t express with words.

Alec learned to never stay in one place too long when he was tagging public places. With a sigh, he quickly put his art supplies in his bag before skating back home. He knew he needed to get home to check on Max and needed to give Jace, his best friend since he was ten, a ride to coast, so he could head back to college.

Stepping into his house, a house he had lived all his life, with the stained stucco, crumbling apart—little had been done to it since it had been built. In fact, Alec couldn’t remember anything ever being done to it.

“Hey, Hermano, where have you been?” Izzy said from the couch where she was painting her toes.

“Hey, Iz…I’ve been out riding, ya…know, just tagging. You need a ride to work?” Alec asked, looking around for Max.

“No surfing?" She asked.

"I plan on going later."

Izzy nodded, "Simon’s picking me up."

Alec noticed their mother wasn’t home, which was no surprise, most likely out with her latest man, ignoring her children was sort of the only thing she was consistently good at.

“Thanks, though” she said, popping the gum she was chewing. She went to grab her apron before yelling for Max, who must of been in his room. “Max, let’s go! You’re going to be late!”

“I need you to take Max…I can’t. Doug has me working overtime at the store.” Izzy was now blowing on her perfectly manicured toenails.

“Do I have to go? I don’t wanna.” Max pouted as he made his way into the living room, shoes in his hands.

“I wanna stay home and play with my toys!” He said, enthusiasm and defiances all wrapped up in one small five-year-old package.

“I know, buddy…You’re gonna go to work with me at the diner and give Jace a ride. You can bring some toys with you….okay?” Alec grabbed his shoes and lifted him up onto the recliner to help him with his shoes.

“I want to bring markers! And my Batman!” Max shouted, never one to use his inside voice.

“Sure thing, whatever you want. Let's get your shoes on first.”

Alec noticed Max’s shoes were falling apart, laces tattered and holes in the soles.

A stab of pain hit Alec as he looked at the shoes he was putting on his little brother's feet, knowing they were not suitable, and he needed to get him new ones. It wasn’t fair that Maryse spent all her money on booze and pills and God knows what else. She never spent her money on her children…on Max.

Izzy and Alec could work for what they needed, but Max was only five; he didn’t deserve her neglect; he deserved so much better, better than all this. Better than this house, this neighborhood, than their mother.

She used to be better, working regularly, buying groceries, and would even have a conversation with them from time to time, that was before their father, Robert ran off with Imogen next door, now Maryse spent her time chasing any man who she thought would love her enough not to leave her.

Alec stood, tossing the keys to Max, “Get her started for me, buddy.”

When he was out the door, Alec turned to Izzy, “Have you seen Max’s shoes, Iz?”

Izzy signed, “Yeah big bro…I have, but with mom gone all the time, not paying any bills, all the extra cash is going towards food and keeping the lights on.”

“Fuck,” breathed Alec.

“It is isn’t good enough…Max deserves better!”

“I think Wilson’s is hiring. I can ask Bob for sure, but with all the overtime he’s wanting his cashiers to pick-up at the store, I would think it wouldn’t be a problem getting you a job,” Izzy offered.

Alec was already working full-time at the local diner in town and trying to make time for his art when he could. With it being summer and Max not being in school right now, it was getting hard shuffling Max around with his and Izzy's schedules.

Between working, taking care of Max, and trying to find time for his art, he didn’t know how he was going to find time to work at a grocery store too…but for Max, he’d do anything.

“Yeah, okay.”

“You better get going before you’re late, and Maxie drives away in the jeep.”

Alec chuckled, hearing Max honk the horn. He kissed Izzy’s cheek, grabbed his apron, and headed to work.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec never got used to how hot it was behind the stove. He could feel the sweat gathering underneath his arms, soaking into his shirt.

Alec finished putting the food on the plate and set it on the window, ringing the bell. He looked over and saw Max seated at a table, drawing a picture with the markers he brought, “Hey Max, love the picture, buddy!”

“Thanks!” He beamed, proud of himself.

Once Alec's shift was over, he ushered Max into the restrooms. He didn't relish the idea of picking up his best friend in the rich part of town smelling like fast food.

Alec quickly changed his shirt, spraying cologne on himself, trying to mask the smell of grease and sweat. “Let’s go, Max,” he said, as he guided him out of the restroom.

When Alec picked-up Jace, he always felt a sense of unease when he first arrived. He should be used to it by now. He had been coming to this part of town, to Jace's home since he was ten, and at twenty-two years old, he still couldn’t shake his insecurities.

As Alec made his way across the Brooklyn Bridge, windows down, he couldn’t help but think of where his life was going. How he was going to continue to make enough money to support Max, and put up with his mother. All he knew was he needed to be there for Max, he knew that college wasn’t an option for him, no matter how much he wanted to go. Alec felt regret thinking about missed opportunities and how life wasn’t fair, but looking in his review mirror at his brother, he couldn’t bring himself to regret the decisions he had made.

Alec pulled into the driveway of a two story mansion, palm trees lining the driveway. Alec had been here enough times that it did feel like his second home. If it wasn’t for his old jeep that looked out of place in the driveway, Alec could almost pretend he was coming home or vacationing here. He used to pretend all the time when he was a kid.

Jace was doing flips on his skateboard as he parked in the drive.

“I’ll be right back, Maxie,” Alec said, as he got out of the car.

“I see you’re still trying to learn to skate!” Alec shouted as he made his way to Jace.

Jace laughed, “What do you mean learning? I’m the one who taught you how to skate, asshole!”

Alec and Jace did their handshake that they had been doing since they were kids.

“I got Max in the car, let’s go.”

Jace grabbed his bags and followed Alec.

“Hey, Mighty Max!” Jace said, tossing his bags in the trunk.

“Hi, Uncle Jace!” Max beamed.

“Look at my Batman!”

“Batman! Now, you know I like Superman!” Jace pouted.

“No! Batman is better!” Max yelled.

“Max, don’t scream,” Alec scolded.

“Okay...Okay! If you say he’s better then he must be!” Jace said, with his hands up in surrender.

Max smiled like he had won a puppy and all was right in the world again.

Alec shook his head, laughing silently.

“So, how have you been? You still with Lydia?” Jace asked.

Alec cleared his throat, adjusting himself in his seat, as he started driving. He didn’t feel like talking about this with Jace. His heart started thumping harder, palms starting to sweat.

“No, we’re on a break right now.” Alec said in a rush, hoping that would be the end of it, but knowing Jace, he knew better.

“You should come up to Santa Barbara, get some pussy that isn’t from high school.”

Alec’s cheeks turned red, looking back to see if Max heard. He was too busy playing with his toys.

“Yeah maybe…” Alec breathed.

“You should try going to Santa Barbara Community College. Just because you didn’t get into that art institute, don’t mean you can’t get in somewhere else.” Jace said as he was rummaging through his bag, pulling out a beer can.

“Jace!” Alec raised his voice, exasperated. He really didn’t need to get pulled over, and Jace having an open beer can while he was driving was asking for trouble.

“What?”

“Could you not…” He said, making eyes back at Max.

“Right...sorry.”

Alec sighs, “I don’t think college is really an option. A scholarship was really my ticket.”

“Yeah, you’re the king of scholarships,” Jace laughed.

“Yeah, it got me into your rich ass school,” Alec retorted.

They both laughed, acknowledging the truth in that statement, and thankful that it did, otherwise they never would have met.

As Alec pulled into The Lot a short time later, everyone got out, including Max.

“You’ve only been up to visit me once in like over a year; that shit ain’t right.” Jace said, grabbing his bag from the back of the jeep.

“I know...I’ll try,” Alec said, knowing that he wouldn’t. He couldn't, with his work schedule and being unable to leave Max with their mom. He couldn’t ask Izzy to take Max more than she already did. He was the oldest; it was his responsibility.

“See ya later, Mighty Max.”

Alec gave Jace a hug and they did their handshake. Alec watched him walk off and meet a few of his friends from school, trying not feel jealous of the freedom to be twenty-two year-old and responsible for so little.

“I want a handshake, too!” Max was looking at Alec, hopeful.

“I’ll teach you one when we get home, buddy.”

Satisfied, he hopped off the back of the trunk cab and got in his carseat.

 

<<<>>>

 

As they made their way back home, Max fell asleep. Alec brought him inside, and he was thankful Izzy was home.

“Hey big bro.” Izzy was on the couch watching tv, looking like she was in for the night.

Alec brought Max to their bedroom that they shared, Max in a twin bed on one side of the room and Alec in a twin bed on the other, because Max refused to sleep anywhere else.

“You going to be home?” He asked, as he made his way back into the living room.

“Yeah, Simon is on his way over.”

“It’s breaking hard out there…” Alec said as way of explanation.

Izzy nodded, needing no other explanation.

Alec loved to surf, feeling the sand on his feet, the feel of the water, balancing the board, and riding the wave. Alec could forget his stress and troubles for a little bit when he was surfing, one of the advantages of living in the Pacific Northwest. Once he was done surfing Alec decided he needed to make one more stop before going home.

Alec was thankful that San Pedro hadn’t completely gone to shit. He was thankful there was still beauty to be found. As he made his way to an old abandoned rooftop, where he setup his art studio, looking out at the Brooklyn Bridge, and he couldn’t help but be thankful for where he grew up. He didn’t know many places that were more beautiful for making art, than his rooftop with this incredible view.

Alec relished his time, making his art. He was thankful for days like today, getting to hangout with Max, see his best friend, surfing, and making his art. Alec knew he had many challenges ahead, but for know, in this moment, life was good.

Alec put the last of his art supplies away. He knew he needed to get home to Max. Max could never fall asleep without him home. It’s been like this since he was three, and refused to sleep anywhere but in Alec’s room, with Alec home.

Alec made his way into the house, finding Izzy and Simon watching a movie; he gave them a nod as he made his way through the house.

Max was already in his room, coloring in his coloring book.

“You’re home!” He squealed, giving him a big hug, coloring forgotten.

“Of course I am! You know I’ll always be home to tuck you in. Did you brush your teeth?” Alec asked.

“Mmmhm,” he mumbled, shaking his said vigorously.

“Let me smell…”

Max opened his mouth wide, breathing right in Alec’s face. It smelled like mints and chocolate.

“Did you eat some of your Halloween candy after you brushed your teeth, Maxie?”

“No!”

“Max…” Alec scolded, clearly not fooled.

“Maaaaybe…”

“Go re-brush your teeth, then bed!”

Once Max was asleep in the twin bed across the room from him, he sat there doodling in his notebook. He could never fall asleep right away. As he looked at all of the artwork on the walls he had made to decorate his and Max’s bedroom, he wondered if his art provided Max comfort, the familiar surroundings, or perhaps just Alec’s presence alone was the reason Max could not sleep anywhere else.

Sometime later, Alec heard music and a crash. He waited a minute, praying it wasn’t who he thought it was. A short time later he hears his mother’s voice and a man’s voice.

“Shit,” Alec breathes, looking over at Max to make sure all the noise hadn’t woken him up.

Satisfied, Alec gets up to make his way into the kitchen to see what is going on.

“What the hell is going on out here,” Alec seethes, combative.

His mom is at the kitchen table, wearing hardly any clothing, her boobs out, too much makeup, clearly drunk, possibly high. She’s laughing as she pours another shot of vodka into a glass, getting more onto the table than the glass.

“We’re having a party, Alec! What’s it look like?” She says, slurring her words.

“Keep it down...Max is sleeping!” Alec says, ignoring the flavor of the week who is now stepping into Alec’s space.

“Or what?” He says

“Oh, don’t be so uptight, Alec...This is Joe! Say hello to Joe, Alec.”

Alec glances at Joe, bald head, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, as he blows smoke in his face.

Alec turns back to his mother, “Just try and keep it down, would you…” He says, and he makes his way back to his and Max’s room, hearing his mother’s laugh as he closes the bedroom door behind him.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec had dropped Max off with Izzy for the day, and didn’t have to be into work until later. Jace told him he could store his board at his house, so he knew the codes to the house and frequently went there to get his surfboard. It was one of the perks of having a rich best friend.

As Alec was waxing the board, he was startled by someone behind him, “I thought your fine ass would be done breaking an entering by now, Alexander?”

Alec turned around smiling, surprised to see Magnus, who he hadn’t seen in years. “Then change the code!” He laughed.

Magnus Bane was the Herondale's adoptive son, Jace’s older adoptive brother, from Indonesia. They adopted him when Magnus was eight. Alec didn’t know a whole lot about how or why Magnus came to live with Jace and his family, but he knew that Magnus had a tragic past, and that it took him over a year to even utter a word to anyone.

“What, are you planning on tagging the garage next?” Magnus asked, humor in his voice.

Alec noticed Magnus was in swim shorts and eating a bowl of cereal.

Alec laughed, “That may not go over well with the Pacific Bluff Homeowners Agreement.”

“So, how have you been? I haven’t seen you since you graduated?”

“Thing’s are good, been working,” Alec said.

“You?”

“Just down for a couple of weeks...the parents are gone, and the house is empty. Trying to work through my writer’s block.” Magnus set his bowl of cereal down and Alec noticed how the muscles in his back moved. He also noticed the impressive six-pack he had going on. Alec really needed to move his eyes away from that; he shouldn’t be thinking about Magnus’ six-pack.

Alec knew Magnus was a writer, in fact he had read all of his works; although, he didn’t need to tell Magnus that.

Alec cleared his throat, “I thought you hated it here…” he said.

“I miss the ocean.”

“You live in LA,” Alec exclaimed.

“Yeah, but I don’t paddle out there.”

Before Alec could stop himself he asked, “You wanna go?”

“Surfing?”

“Yeah..”

“I guess there’s still a thing or two I could teach you, Alexander.” Magnus gave Alec a wink as he said it and made his way over to the surfboards, brushing past Alec as he did so.

Alec chuckled, a nervousness settling in his belly, as he turned around and grabbed his board, following behind Magnus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No one called him by his full name, not even Izzy or his mother, but when Magnus did it, it made Alec want to do things to make him say it again and again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments! They make my world go round! :) Also, my vacation ends tomorrow, so I won't be able to update as often, but I will try my best! 
> 
> Also, I wanted to warn you there is some homophobia in this chapter and the use of a slur! So, I just wanted you all to be aware.
> 
> Oh, and if anyone is wondering where I got the title for this fic...it's from Ed Sheeran's song, Dive because it reminded me of Magnus and Alec and Zach and Shaun.:)

Alec always enjoyed surfing, but surfing with Magnus was something completely different from anything he had ever felt before. He enjoyed riding the waves together, feeling like they were in sync. Alec paddled out, looking behind him, seeing Magnus off to his right, and he felt the connection, like they were strung together by the sea and Alec wanted more of it, and Alec found himself hoping this wouldn't be the last time him and Magnus surfed together.

Once they were done surfing, Alec walked over and sat down next to Magnus on the sand, flipping his dark brown hair out of his eyes. Alec deliberately kept his eyes forward, looking out at the ocean, and not at Magnus’ wet glistening stomach. Although, Alec couldn't help but wonder, _how he got such an impressive chest._

“We picked a good time to come out,” he said.

“Yeah, tide's coming in,” said Magnus.

Magnus was looking out at the ocean, taking in the beautiful view. He was aware that for a few hours he was finally not thinking about the book he needed to write and how his publisher was going to be giving him hell for not meeting his deadline, or stressing over the fact he couldn't seem to write anything because his head had been a mess following his breakup with Camille.

Magnus smiled to himself, looking over at Alec once more, this beautiful young man, who had invited him out to surf, and was completely unaware how he had gotten Magnus to focus on something other than his heartbreak and stressful job.

Magnus shook his head, interrupting his own thought process, “Hey, where are you living now?”

Alec cleared his throat, scratching his head, “With mom, Izzy, and Max in San Pedro…”

Magnus nodded his head, thoughtful.

“You know you’re welcome to come out here anytime you want.”

“Just like old times,” Alec said.

“Yeah, minus Jace.”

“Yeah,” Alec laughed. “You see much of him?”

“Yep, he came down last year with some of his friends and this girl he was pretty smitten with...Clary I think her name was.” Magnus was smiling, making lines in the sand with his finger.

Alec couldn't help but think Magnus had a really nice smile.

“I’m sorry...what was that?”

“I asked how your mom was doing?” Magnus said.

“Oh...um, same I guess. I try and help out as much as I can...”

Magnus changed the subject, clearly seeing Alec didn’t feel comfortable talking about his mother.

“How’s Max? I bet he’s getting big!”

Magnus noticed how Alec’s face lit up at the mention of Max.

“Yeah, he’s five already…It’s crazy how time flies,” he said.

Magnus sighed, “Trust me, when you get to be my age, it only goes faster.”

“You’re not that old...You’re eight years older, right?”

Magnus holds up his finger, “First rule of us hanging out, we don’t talk about my age and utter the words old in the same sentence...ever!”

“But thirty isn’t old.” Alec chuckles.  

“Alexander!”

Alec had been waiting for it. He had been waiting for Magnus to use his full name since he heard him say it earlier. It did things to him, and he wasn’t sure why he liked it so much. No one called him by his full name, not even Izzy or his mother, but when Magnus did it, it made Alec want to do things to make him say it again and again.

Alec put up his hands in surrender, which caused Magnus to smirk again and Alec found himself wondering which he enjoyed more...Magnus saying his full name or smirking at him.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec was putting his board away when Lydia came up behind him.

“I’ve been wondering where you are!”

Alec whipped around as he slammed the door shut to his jeep. “Hey, Lydia…uh..How are you?”

Lydia was leaning against the jeep’s trunk, her blond hair was down, flowing in the wind. Alec noticed, her skin was tan from all the sun she was getting, and she was smiling brightly at him. Alec knew she was beautiful, and he should want to spend time with her, and her presence shouldn’t make him feel nauseous...but all Lydia’s presence seemed to do was remind him that he was different more and more these days, so he stopped hanging out with her, and tried avoiding her as much as possible.

“I’m good...I heard from Izzy, you’re going to be working at Wilson’s with us?”  She said.

Alec nodded, looking around for Magnus. He just went to make a quick call to his publisher, and said he wouldn’t be gone long.

“Yeah, Iz said she was going to put in a good word.”

Lydia stepped closer and Alec thought seriously of stepping back, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so he didn’t. “Listen, the reason I’m here is there’s a bunch of us, some people from school, and some from town that are going to build a fire down by the beach and have a few drinks...you should come, Alec...I’ve missed you.”

Alec felt bad then because he did miss Lydia, in some ways. She was a good friend, but he felt bad leading her on because he knew she wanted more, and he knew in his heart he could never give her what she was wanting, and hanging around her made Alec face those feelings he wasn’t ready to face.

Alec was about to tell Lydia that he couldn’t because he had to work at the diner, however, before he could answer, he noticed Magnus walking back, and realized, he didn’t want their day to end.

“Hey Magnus, you wanna go to a party down by the beach?”

Magnus gave Alec that smirk he liked so much, “Why Alexander, have you met me? I love a good party!”

“Lydia, it’s good to see you again. You’re looking as beautiful as ever.” Magnus said turning his attention away from Alec.

Lydia smiled, she knew Magnus, not well, but she had seen him occasionally and remembered him from graduation.

“Hi Magnus.”

Magnus had only met Lydia once or twice, in fact he was sure she was a nice girl, but he thought this new development was interesting. He was sure Alec was gay, now Magnus was starting to second guess himself.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec wasn’t much of a drinker. If he could get the first couple down, the rest tended to get a whole lot easier, but that wasn’t happening tonight. One, he was driving, and two, he was really nervous.

“Magnus aren’t you Jace’s bro?” Derek asked.

“Yep,” said Magnus with a nod of his head.

“But like...you’re adopted right? You’re not real bros, right? I mean obviously?” Derek was giving Magnus eyes, like he needed to make everyone aware Magnus wasn't white.

Alec never liked Derek, in fact, he was always an asshole in high school. If Alec wasn’t confident in Magnus’ ability to handle himself, he thought seriously of punching Derek in his racist face.

Magnus just laughed and shook his head, not even dignifying Derek’s statement with a response.

Derek changed the subject, “Heard you went all Hollywood!” He said.

Magnus took a drink of his beer, eyeing Derek, and Alec wondered if he was contemplating which was the best way to kill him.

“Yeah…” He replied.

Derek turned to Alec, “So what’s the deal with you and Lydia? You together or what?” Alec looked over to see if Lydia had heard, she was off a ways, talking to one of her friends Aline, not paying attention. _Thank God,_ thought Alec.

Magnus could see Alec was clearly uncomfortable with Derek asking him these questions. Derek was a dick, and Magnus wanted to throttle him, and wanted to know who the hell would invited this asshole. Magnus wanted to comfort Alec, but knew he couldn’t. He had to let Alec handle this on his own.

Alec started playing with his hair, something Magnus noticed he did when he was nervous, “We’re just hanging out…we’re friends...”

Derek laughed, “What are you, a fag?”

Alec turned beat red, and Magnus had to sit on his hands to keep himself from launching himself at this douchebag for embarrassing Alec like this.

Alec shook his head, casting his eyes down, feeling his whole body turn hot. He didn’t even check to see who had heard Derek. He just got up and left.

Alec walked to the water, and looked out at the ocean, wishing he was surfing or up on his roof top overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge, anywhere but here. He wished he never said yes to this fucking party. He knows better than to hang out with people. _People are always a disappointment_ , he thought. Alec couldn't help but feel like this was his punishment for being selfish and skipping work to spend more time with Magnus.

“Swells coming in.” Magnus said from beside him.

“Yeah it is…”

Alec and Magnus stood there in silence not saying anything, as they stood there staring at the sea,  even though Alec was still angry and embarrassed, he drew comfort from Magnus in that moment, and it made everything a little easier to bare.

A short time later Alec’s phone started to ring. It was Izzy.

“Hey, Izzy. What’s up?”

Magnus couldn't hear what was being said on the other end, but he heard woman’s voice rapidly talking…”

“No...I understand. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

Magnus could hear the frustration and anger in Alec’s voice.

“No you shouldn’t have to...I get it. I’m coming.”

Alec hung up. He sighed in frustration. “Listen Magnus, I have to go.”

“Yeah...I can get a ride from someone here…”

“No, I’ll drop you off. I just need to leave right now.” Alec said.

Magnus nodded in understand. “Okay let’s go,” he said.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec was just about to get into bed when his phone went off.  Once he saw that Max was still asleep, Alec checked his phone.

 **Unknown Number:** Is everything ok? This is Magnus, BTW...

Alec smiled, wondering how he got his number, probably Jace. Alec went in and quickly changed the contact name to Magnus.

 **Magnus:** Yeah...sorry about that. My mom was home causing issues, and I needed to be home for Izzy and Max. I didn’t mean to cause drama.

Alec waited a minute for Magnus to reply. _Why was he nervous?_ Anytime Alec opened up about his family to Magnus he found himself getting nervous.

 **Magnus:** Alexander, you never have to say sorry for taking care of your family. It’s completely fine. They’re lucky to have you:)

Alec’s stomach did a thing. A sort of flip turn thing. He couldn't explain it, but it felt good a bad at the same time, but mostly good. And _why couldn't he stop smiling?_

 **Alec:** Why are you still up?

 **Magnus:** A writer keeps weird hours, you know!

A few seconds later Alec’s phone vibrated again.

 **Magnus:** I was also worried about you.

Alec stared at the text, reading the words over and over. Magnus was worried about him. Him.

 **Alec:** You want to go surfing again tomorrow?

 **Magnus:** Can we eat this time, too? ;)

 **Alec:** If you insist:)

 **Magnus:** Then how can I say no to that?

 **Alec:** I have to work at Wilson’s in the morning, but I can pick you up after?

 **Magnus:** Sounds lovely

Alec waited to see if Magnus said anymore. When he didn’t he figured their conversation was over. He went to turn off his lamp and turn over in bed when he saw his phone light-up and heard it vibrate again. Alec read the message.

 **Magnus:** Goodnight, Alexander

Alec grinned like a fool then replied.

 **Alec:** Goodnight, Magnus


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Magnus stopped walking, stopping in front of Alec, the setting sun hitting the back of his head. Magnus thought he looked beautiful. Alec was so beautiful..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know it's been awhile! I hope everyone likes the new chapter! Also, please notice I added new tags! There's mentions of suicide and abuse! 
> 
> <3

 

Alec smiled when he saw Magnus walk outside dressed in a bathrobe, flowery scarf around his neck, and a pipe hanging out of his mouth. He suspected the pipe was for show but he couldn't be sure. “Ha,” he said, clapping his hands in front of him, “you ready to go?”

“I’m working!” Magnus said, taking the pipe out of his mouth. Alec could see it was not lit, definitely for show.

Alec sighed dramatically, “Really...that’s too bad. Guess I’ll see you later then--” Alec turned to leave; however, before he could finish turning around, Magnus had his hands out gesturing for him to stop.

“Wait, wait, wait...hold on. I’ll come…”

Alec smiled, noticing the pipe still in Magnus’ hand, “You might wanna change…” he said, smiling as he noticed Magnus smirk and quirk up his eyebrow, “but you can keep the pipe.”

Magnus laughed as he made his way back into the house to change.

<<<>>>

“Alexander, it’s a circus out there!” Alec noticed how scandalized Magnus looked.

“You need me to protect you?”

Magnus scowled. “Keep going. I know a spot...I just can’t remember exactly where it’s at! I’ll remember once I see it.”

Alec drove, looking off to his left as he and Magnus continued to look for the perfect spot to surf. “There it is!” Magnus said from beside him, “just gotta find a spot to turn."

“There, there!” Magnus pointed.

“More warning next time!” Alec huffed.

“Sorry,” laughed Magnus.

As Alec and Magnus made their way down to the water, Magnus remembered how much he loved coming there and why he never told Jace or Alec about his spot. He didn’t want anyone else to know about it. He loved coming there to clear his head, but it felt right sharing it with Alec. “Sorry I never told you and Jace about this place...I wanted it to stay private. I used to always come here and think when I wanted to be alone.”

“And surf?” Alec asked.

Magnus smiled, “And surf.”

Magnus had come back home to clear his head after his breakup with Camille and to finish his book. He had accomplished getting his mind off Camille but had gotten nothing done with his book. He had only planned on staying a couple of weeks. He should be making plans to go back home to LA. But here he was, surfing with Alec and all he wanted to do was keep surfing with Alec. He didn’t care about deadlines or exes. All he cared about was spending time with Alec.

“So you still thinking about applying to art school?”

Alec switched his board over to his left arm before answering, “Naw, I do street art now... it’s cool though, ya know.” Magnus and Alec kept walking, side by side. “What are you working on,” Alec asked.

“A book,” Magnus states.

Without missing a step, Alec replies, “What’s it been, like three years since the last one? Is it really long or something?

Magnus bumped Alec’s arm, “Fuck off!”

Alec laughed, “You didn’t leave much out of the last one,” he said.

Magnus turned to look at Alec, raising his eyebrows up in surprise, “You read my book?

“Who knew there would be so much drama inside the gates of the Pacific Bluff,” Alec joked.

“I did embellish a bit... it is fiction.”

“Change a couple of names, Alec teased.

Magnus stopped walking, stopping in front of Alec, the setting sun hitting the back of his head. Magnus thought he looked beautiful. _Alec was so beautiful._  

“Ha ha,” he said.

“When did you read it?”

“When it came out,” Alec said.

Magnus wondered why Jace had never said anything to him. “Jace never mentioned anything.”

Alec looked perplexed. “I never told him...why would he tell you?”

Magnus shook his head, “I just never knew that you knew about me,” he said, and continued walking again, Alec following close behind.

“What’s your new one about?”

“Still trying to figure that one out,” Magnus said.

Alec didn’t say anything after that, just continued to walk, lost in thought. “I’ll get it back, though,” Alec heard Magnus mutter quietly from beside him. Alec looked at Magnus, could hear the vulnerableness in Magnus’ voice, and he could see it in his face, too.

“I hope so,” Alec said gently. “You're good.”

Magnus beamed at Alec, “You really liked it?”

Alec nodded, “Yeah.”

Magnus smirked, “How about that food you promised me, Alexander…”

<<<>>>

“It’s all about the aim, Magnus.” Alec said, as he sunk the solid ten ball in the corner pocket. Alec took a sip of his beer, noticing Magnus’ pout. Alec felt bad. When he went to take his next shot he deliberately missed.

“Awe, that’s too bad,” Magnus said.

Magnus walked around the pool table, stopping in front of Alec, bending down over the pool table. Alec tried not to stare, he really did, but he couldn't help notice the curve of his ass and the defined muscles in his arms as he lined up his pool stick, and the way Magnus stroked the pool stick. It was the most erotic thing Alec had ever seen. Alec’s breathing became labored, making it hard to focus on anything else.

“Wha--” Alec stammered, “Did you say something?” He said as forced his eyes to focus on Magnus’ face.

Magnus was giving Alec his signature smirk, which wasn’t helping his current problem of Magnus making him weak at the knees and his pants impressively tight, “If you can't find the one being hustled at the pool hall, it's probably you,” Magnus said.

“Yeah?” Alec took a sip of his beer. “Alright, let’s play.”

“That, my dear, Alexander, is what you call an asskicking.” Magnus said as he sat down in front of his burger, mouth watering. He missed burgers from, Moe’s.

Sitting across from Magnus, Alec took a bite of his fry, “When are you planning on going back to LA?” Alec asked.

“I plan on staying a bit longer,” Magnus said. After swallowing a bite of his burger he added, “I’m kinda liking it here.”

Alec’s stomach did a thing...that flip turn thing again.

“Yeah...I like you here, too.”

<<<>>>

“You remember that one time when Jace drove right into the ditch! He was totally passed out!!” Magnus was laughing, leaning into Alec.

Alec had his beer in one hand, holding it up so it didn’t hit Magnus in the head, “Yeah, I remember! I was scared shitless! I remember screaming at him and calling him the world’s dumbest drunk. I threatened to never let him drive again if he ever did something so stupid again!”

Magnus lifted his head up, looking at Alec, “Yeah, I remember that. I remember you being pretty angry. You couldn't have been what...sixteen, seventeen at the time. You were always so mature… beyond your years.”

Alec shifted, causing Magnus to move out of Alec’s lap, but he still remained close. “Well, I have to be, what... with Jace being my best friend,” he joked.

“Yeah, and we love him,” Magnus laughed.

Alec laughed.

“I’m going to grab another drink, you want one?” Alec asked.

“Sure.”

Magnus sighed as he watched Alec get up to go get drinks, leaning back on the oversized patio couch him and Alec were sharing. He noticed Alec’s sketchbook next to his bag, and picked it up. He thought for a second that Alec might not want him to look, but if he did, he could tell him to fuck off, and that would be that. They are both adults. He sat up, sitting cross legged, and opened it up.

The first thing Magnus noticed were the colors Alec used in his art. Black. There was so much black. Black and white...with hints of red, but mostly black. Magnus began to turn another page just as Alec returned. “What are you doing?”

“What?” Magnus said, looking up from Alec’s sketchbook.

“Alec went to grab it, but Magnus held it away, “Easy, easy…”

Alec was defensive, like a cat being cornered, “No one ever looks at that!”

“I want to look...it’s okay, Alexander.”

Alec eased back, taking a long hard drink of his beer, clearly uncomfortable.

“Listen, if you really don’t want me to, I won’t. I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have looked without asking. You’re really good Alec. I’d like to see.”

Alec nodded.

Magnus eyes widen at the page where there was a sketch of a young boy, with blond hair, cartoon like. The floor was checkered, in black and white with swirls of red. “Wow, is that Max’s room?”

“Yeah.”

Magnus set his drink down, “Sad, Max…”

Alec looked up from where he was laying down on the couch, half on his side, “You can tell?”

Magnus nodded, “Yeah, and how you darkened it around his head…” he said, indicating where he was referring to with his hand. “It’s incredible, Alexander.” Magnus continued to observe Alec’s drawing, “And there’s no toys in his room…”

Alec leaned into Magnus, shoulder touching his knee, “Yeah, he had just gotten yelled at. He was trying to understand why, so he came into my room...he hasn’t left yet; it’s the only place he can sleep.” Alec grabbed the book before Magnus could stop him, “Okay, enough about me,” he said. “Tell me about you.”

Magnus quirked his eyebrow in questioned, “But you know all about me, Alexander. You practically grew up here with Jace...and me.”

Alec shook his head, leaning back on the couch, on his back, “That’s not really true, is it?” Alec looked at Magnus who was still sitting crossed legged, looking back at him, over his left shoulder.

“I know that you came to live with Herondale’s when you were eight, from Indonesia...that, that…” Alec paused, buzzed enough to continue, “that you didn’t speak for a year after you got here. I know that you are an amazing big brother to Jace.”

Magnus laid back next to Alec, turning his head to look at him.

“I…” Magnus began, trying to find the right words.

“I’m sorry Magnus. You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s none of my business.”

Magnus felt bad, here he was, going through Alec’s personal sketchbook without his permission, asking him to share his personal life. The least he could do extend the same courtesy to Alec.

Magnus blew out a shaky breath before he began, “I lived with my mom and stepfather in a small village in Indonesia. It was very poor, we were very poor. My mother was a kind woman who worked hard to care for me, but my father was an asshole and physically and mentally abused her daily….and me, but she took the brunt of it. Between poverty and the abuse, it became too much for her…” Magnus swallowed, the lump in his throat becoming bigger, even after all these years it was still painful to talk about.

Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand, holding it tight, giving Magnus his strength to continue his story.

“I came home one afternoon....I--I--I...fuck...I would go out begging most mornings. I was excited to show momma what I had gotten. I thought she would be so hap--happy,” Magnus stammered.

Alec squeezed his hand tighter.

“When I got to her bedroom, she had hung herself in the doorway with the bedsheet.”

Alec sucked in breath, heart breaking for eight-year-old Magnus. “Magnus…” He whispered.

“I don’t remember crying...I mean I know you’re supposed to cry when your mother dies, but I didn’t...I remember feeling numb. Of course my stepfather didn’t want me. He said it was all my fault, and I was the reason she did it. He dropped me off at the orphanage the next day…” Magnus had tears running down his face, open and vulnerable to Alec.

“I didn’t stay at the orphanage long...I was there maybe three months before the Herondale's came. I didn’t talk for a year after my mom died...and well after some pretty fucking awful therapists and a few good ones and Jace, the rest is history!” Magnus laughed, attempting to lighten the mood, but Alec wasn’t fooled. He knew it was more complicated than that.

“So that’s my tragic story…” Magnus said, avoiding looking at Alec, anywhere but Alec.

Alec was aware that Magnus was avoiding looking at him. He didn’t want Magnus feeling shame. “Hey…” Alec gently grabbed Magnus’ face, lifting it to look at him. He wiped away the tears with his hand, aware that his right hand was occupied still holding Magnus’. “Thank you for telling me, Magnus.”

Magnus stared at Alec, a boy he had known for over twenty years, unlocking things in Magnus that no one else had, not even Camille. He looked at Alec and he saw so many possibilities; he wanted a chance to explore all those wonderful possibilities, which is why he leaned in and softly kissed him on the lips, not once, not twice but three times.

Alec’s heart was beating out of his chest, like the world was tipped on its axis. The first touch of Magnus’ lips were like fire, ice, and silk all wrapped in one. He wanted more and he wanted less. He didn’t know what he wanted. He kissed back with the second peck and the third. There were three. Alec couldn't remember a time when three become such an important, life altering number, until just then.

When Magnus pulled back, Alec wanted to tell him to come back, but his voice was filled with cotton. He just laid there. Then Magnus moved his hand, his hand that was on his chest. _When did his hand get on his chest_ , Alec thought. And that’s when Alec freaked.

“I--I have to go,” Alec stammered, staggering back and away from Magnus. Knocking over empty beer cans.

“Alec…” Magnus began, making his way over to try and stop him.

“No!” Alec shouted, hands out in an effort to prevent Magnus from coming near him. He knew that if Magnus came near him, he would not be able to resist. He couldn't do this...he was confused.

“Please,” Magnus begged, “don’t leave like this.”

“I, I’m sorry...I” Alec started running his hand through his hair, aggressively, “fuck, I have to go.” Alec grabbed his sketchbook and keys, walking away from Magnus, not looking back as Magnus called his name.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s in that moment, watching Magnus with Max that Alec really gets scared, that he really sees himself falling hard for Magnus, harder that is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! Ok...is anyone as excited as me for the next episode of Shadowhunters?!?! Ahhh! 
> 
> Okay...back to the story! I added new tags! Needless to say, Maryse is AWFUL! I'm not sure why she ended up so awful because she really isn't in the movie! She's kind of a hybrid character. She's a cross between Jeanne (Zach's sister in the movie) and Maryse season 1 of Shadowhunters! Anyway, she's a nasty piece of work! So, just a warning! (Use of homophobic slur, drinking, racism, prejudice--nothing too explicit). 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, you will notice the rating changed from mature to explicit (insert blushing emoji) I was going to wait to do the smut in chapter 5, but I felt you guys deserved it after having to deal with Maryse! 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

The honk of the horn snapped Alec from his thoughts, effectively providing him what he needed to keep driving, to keep moving forward. Alec knew he needed to keep his eyes on the road, foot on the gas, and hands on the wheel, things he had done countless times before. It all felt so mundane now, like such a burden, now that his life felt like it had shifted in such life altering way.

Alec took a deep breath as he made his way through his front door. “Prepare yourself, big bro, wicked witch is on her broom” Izzy said, as she made her way to Alec, who was barely two steps into the front door.

Alec noticed Max was watching some cartoon on the TV and drawing in one of Alec’s old sketchbooks he let him have.

Alec couldn’t see Maryse but from the smell that was permeating in the air, he knew she wasn’t far. The stench of her cigarettes was always a strong indicator. Alec sighed, not in the mood to deal with her shit.

Izzy was now sitting at the kitchen table, glass of water in hand, “Have you thought about applying to CalArts again?”

“I thought they didn’t want you?” Maryse said from the doorway.

Alec turned around and saw his mother there, cigarette hanging out of her mouth, looking like she hadn't showered in a week.

“I get to go to school when summer is over!” Max yelled from the living room, face never leaving the TV screen.

“That’s right, buddy.”

Maryse took a long drag of her cigarette, “Yeah, then you can stop eating all the food in the house and the school can feed you! Taking all my money.” She mumbled as she made her way into the kitchen.

Alec rolled his eyes, watching as Maryse went to her liquor cabinet. He knew she was out of her vodka and this family bonding time was about to get a whole lot more pleasant. Alec looked at Izzy, giving her a warning look, which she ignored and continued talking, “It wouldn’t hurt to try, Alec.”

So they were going with the pretend she doesn’t exist tactic. “Yeah...maybe.”

Alec flinched at the sound of the cabinet door being slammed, “They’re not gonna take no ghetto white trash boy from San Pedro who wasn’t even good enough to get in the first time! What makes you think they gonna take you this time?” She sneered.

Alec wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at her that he had already been accepted. How they had never turned him down, that the only reason he didn’t go was because he could never leave Max and Izzy. He could never leave them alone with her...but he didn’t. _What’s the point?_ Alec always feared if he pushed too hard with his mother, she’d do something stupid, like take Max just to spite him or worse...turn her ugliness on Max, so he never did. He kept his mouth shut as she spewed her verbal abuse, and Alec took it because who was he? _Who was Alec? He was nothing._

“Shut up, Maryse!” Izzy said.

“Excuse me?”

Alec sucked in a breath. Normally he and Izzy didn’t poke the bear because they both feared the same thing...losing Max. But if anyone ever did, it was Izzy. Sometimes Izzy would push back when Maryse become too much. Alec both loved and loathed her for it.

Izzy continued to sit in her chair, calm as can be, “You heard me.”

Maryse charged over to Izzy.

“Don’t even think about it,” Izzy said, calm as ever.

Maryse lowered her hand, “You ungrateful, bitch, after everything I’ve done for you children.”

Alec furrows his brows, eyes flicking to Izzy in warning. “Iz…”

“The only reason you even have a roof over your head, and money in your pocket is because of us kids...you do well to remember that the next time you go spewing your hateful ignorance.” Izzy slapped a twenty on the table, “Here’s money to replenish your vodka and make you livable again.”

Maryse snatched it up like it was going to disappear in an instant, “Only twenty?” She said.

Alec shook his head before slapping another twenty on the table for her. She grabbed it, stuffing it her her bra, “I’ll be late, don’t wait up!” She said, laughing as she made her way out the door.

Alec sat next to Izzy, looking over to check to make sure Max couldn't hear. “That forty dollars was supposed to go towards bills this month, Iz.”

“I know.”

“Simon got work painting. It makes pretty good money. Maybe he can get you a job there.”

Alec put his head in his hands, “I’m already working at the dinner and the grocery store.

“I know, but, hermano, the painting would pay better...just something to think about.”

“Okay…”

“It will all be okay, Alec.” Izzy rested her head on Alec’s shoulder, “Me, you, and Max, we’ll be okay.”

“Of, course, Iz...we always are.”

<<<>>>

As Alec closed his eyes that night, he knew he should be thinking about money, and how to get Max and Izzy a better life--thinking about how to get away from their mother...how to get out of this hellhole. But he wasn’t thinking about any of that. All he could think about was Magnus--how kind Magnus had been to him, how he had trusted him with such an important part of his past, how much fun he had had surfing with him, talking to him, how much he missed him. Alec couldn't help thinking about his lips, the feel of them against his own, and the way his body wanted more, and how sad Magnus looked when he walked out on him. Most of all Alec couldn't help but think about how much he wanted to talk to Magnus and tell him about how he was feeling, to have a friend in his corner, to have Magnus in his corner.   

But Alec knew he couldn't go down that road with Magnus. He knew the path he needed to follow, just like when he knew he couldn't accept his scholarship to CalArts. He had to choose a different path than the one he desperately wanted, for Max and Izzy. He knew if his mother or if anyone else ever found out about him, about who he really was, he’d lose everything. Even though someone comes along and could potentially push Alec off his path, he knew he needed to stay the course, he knew he needed to do his duty for his family.

<<<>>>

“You’re getting so big!” Alec told Max as he set him on his feet, adjusting his backpack as it had slipped off his shoulders.

“I’m almost five!”

Izzy made her way around the car, “Come on big boy, it’s time to go.”

Alec felt guilty Max had to go to work with Izzy and him, and they tried not to work at the same time, but with needing money so bad lately, they were always working similar hours, Alec at the diner and Izzy at the store, which meant Max had to go to work with one of them.

“I’ll see you later tonight, bud.” Alec waved his hand at them as he watched Izzy and Max make their way into Wilson’s.

As Alec went to leave, he noticed Lydia getting out of her car.

“Hey, Alec.”

Alec blinked, “Hey, Lydia…” looking down at his feet, all nervousness and self- consciousness rearing its ugly head.

“When do you start working here?” she asked.

“My first shift is this Saturday.”

Lydia smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “We work the same shift!”

Alec’s expression is blank, trying hard to muster up small talk. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. When he pulled it out, Alec noticed it was from Magnus. Alec’s heart lurched. He felt an overwhelming need to flee the area and go talk to Magnus, apologies, explain what happened, kiss him. Then he remembered Max and how his family needed him, and he pushed reject.

“Would you like to hang out?” Alec blurted, awkward and embarrassed. He felt his cheeks turn hot.

Surprised, Lydia stood there not saying anything for a moment before finally asking, “You want to hang out? Like a date?”

Alec knew he was sending her mixed signals, “No...I mean yes, I just figured me, you and Max could go to the beach or something…” Alec bit his lip painfully. _This was all so painful._

Chuckling softly Lydia adjusts her apron, “Yeah, I miss the little guy. He’s cute, and I love making sand castles.” She winked.

Alec went to kiss her on the cheek, surprising her. “Great, I’ll pick you up tomorrow after work?”

“Yeah...sounds good.”

Alec couldn't flee the scene fast enough.

<<<>>>

Alec needed to surf, he needed to feel like he was flying, like he was free. He didn’t want to think about being different, or Magnus, or family, or Lydia, or the fact that there was a guy checking him out as he was putting on his wetsuit. So he surfed--he surfed till he didn’t feel the overwhelming need to go to Magnus anymore, and he surfed till he could fool his brain into believing he was something other than what he was.

<<<>>>

Alec’s was washing his hair, shower turned up as hot as he could stand it, as he was getting ready for his _date_ with Lydia when he hears someone in the doorway of the bathroom.

“I here you been hanging out with Magnus. You know the one adopted from China or somewhere.”

Alec doesn’t stop massaging soap in his hair. He closes his eyes, inhales deeply through his nose. He wants to correct her; he really does. He wants to ask her why she feels the need to remind him he’s adopted, like he doesn’t already know that. Why it’s even relevant. He wants to tell her he’s not from China, but from Indonesia, that ignorant people like her are always overgeneralizing because of their prejudice, but he doesn’t because she’s not worth it, and he knows she will never get it or care. So he stays silent, and his silence eats him alive. It seems like that’s all Alec does is stay silent.  

“Yeah..surfing.”

Alec starts rinsing out his hair.

Maryse leans back on the sink, “You know about him, right?”

Alec blows out a long breath, “What about him?” _Keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing_

“He’s gay.” She says, disgust in her voice.

Alec sucks in a breath, feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. All his fears coming into play, hearing the level of disgust coming out of his mother’s mouth. Knowing if she knew about h---....Alec, tries not to think about it. He knows those thoughts are dangerous, he must think of Max.

He also wants to correct her. Magnus isn’t gay, but trying to correct her is a mute point because in her ignorant mind it doesn’t matter, if you’ve been with a man, it automatically means you’re gay, it doesn’t matter how many women you’ve been with and trying to explain how Magnus is bisexual to someone as ignorant as Maryse is like banging his head against a brick wall. And Alec stays silent once again, and he swears that one day, his silence might suffocate him.

Alec becomes exasperated. “I’ve been surfing with him since I was ten! What’s your point?” Alec knew he shouldn’t push her too much, she was actually being fairly decent, for her. She wasn’t being malicious, like she could get some times.

“I just don't think he’s the best guy to be hanging around all day half naked, and I don’t want Max around that.”

Alec changes his mind. She was a malicious piece of work. Her ignorance knew no bounds, and now he had had enough. She could say what she wanted about him but to call Magnus a _th_ at and insinuate that he shouldn’t be around Max because he’s a bad influence when he has her for a mother is about the most hypocritical thing Alec has ever heard. Magnus was a hundred times the person she’d ever be and Max would be lucky to spend time with him.

Alec swung the shower door open aggressively, “I'm done, get out.”

Surprisingly she did.

Alec leans over the sink, arms stretched out, breathing in and out.

“Alec, you’re not a fag right?”

“Jesus, mom, really!” he shouted. Alec was done, he had reached the end of what he could handle from her for one day.

Maryse was looking down at her feet, looking sheepish, “You never tell me anything...you never talk to me anymore.”

Alec just stared, not saying anything to her, afraid of what he might say to her if he did. He narrows his eyes at her. She looked vulnerable in that moment and sometimes Alec saw a glimpses of potential in her to be a good person, but it was always trickery--always lies. It was never to be trusted. _She_ was never to be trusted.

“I don't want to deal with that, I got too much to deal with right now. I can’t deal with you being a fag on top of it.” She said before turning around, leaving Alec to nod his head in resignation. He knew the real Maryse was never far away, she was always there just below the surface, waiting to kick you one more time while you were already down.

<<<>>>

“You’re not doing it right!” Max yelled at Lydia, frustrated with her lack of castle building skills.

Alec sighed, before going over to Max and gently touching his back, “Hey, no yelling...it’s rude.”

“Sorry.”

Lydia smiled, not bothered by Max’s rudeness, “It’s okay. I think we need another bucket. I’m pretty sure there’s one in the jeep. I’m gonna go look.” Once she got up, she dusted herself off, before heading to the jeep.

Alec watched Lydia go, feeling bad that Max was being kind of rude, and that he wasn’t a better _date_. Just as he was about to suggest they get the sand more wet, he saw Magnus making his way towards them.

Alec’s heart began to beat faster, his underarms starting to sweat. He was nervous, really nervous.

Magnus stopped in front of Alec, not saying anything, not even smiling, just staring.

Alec blinked, feeling his heart beat faster, which made him irrationally angry. _Why was Magnus doing this to him?_

Magnus played with the ring on his ear. Alec really liked that ring, “I tried calling you.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Mmhm.”

That made Alec more irritated. _What the hell did mmhm mean?_

“Too busy to send me a quick text to let me know you’re okay?”

Max starts taping Alec’s leg. Alec glances down at Max quickly, then glances back at Magnus, “Drop it.”

“Ok.”

“Who is he?” Max asks, eyes full of curiosity.

Just as Alec’s about to answer, Lydia makes her way back with a new bucket in hand.

“Hey, Magnus,” she beams.

Magnus smiles, like he’s sucking on a lemon, to anyone else it may not be noticeable, but to Alec it’s obvious, it’s forced.

“Lydia...good to see you.”

She points to Max, “This is Max.”

He points in Magnus’ direction, “I need help!”

Magnus quirks his head to the side, “You need help?” he questions.

“Yeah, I need help.” Max looks at his sandcastle, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Magnus nods in understanding, “Okay, then.”

Magnus whistles, one of his good whistles, loud and long, “Well blueberry, you’ve got it all wrong, you’ve got to fortify the corners first.”

“Blueberry?” Max asks in confusion

“Yes, you’re as cute as a blueberry”

Alec can’t take it anymore; it’s all too much. His heart is melting watching Max and Magnus together. It’s in that moment, watching Magnus with Max that Alec really gets scared, that he really sees himself falling hard for Magnus, harder that is. “Let’s go.”

“I’m not done! I have to forty-five the corners.”

And Alec wants to laugh at Max’s mix-up of words, he really does, but he can’t, he has to leave, he has to get away from Magnus and his feelings. He has to run.

“Hey, you mind looking after Max for a second?” Lydia said from beside Alec. He hadn’t even noticed her. He had been too busy watching Max and Magnus.

Magnus looks up from his sandcastle making duties, “It’s cool.”

Lydia raises an eyebrow a Alec, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Alec blinks, reluctant because he doesn’t want to leave Max and Magnus, he wants to keep spending time with them, even if he was being a moody ass and observing from afar. “I don’t think I should leave Max.”

Lydia grabs his arm and pulls, “Come on, he’ll be fine.”

“You guys go, it”s fine,” Magnus says, not taking his eyes off his and Max’s sandcastle masterpiece.

Alec feels a tinge of disappointment, wishing Magnus didn’t want him to go.

Alec sighed, “Alright.”

Alec was silent. He didn’t have much to say. He was too focused on Magnus and how much he had missed him. He was pretty sure that Magnus was mad at him, at least at first. He thought he had seen jealousy from Magnus, but now he’s not so sure. Seeing Magnus, he was reminded how great he was, both these last few days and even when they were kids. He had known Magnus a long time, why was he now just realizing how great he was? Alec couldn’t stop thinking about how great he was with Max, how much of a natural he was and how much Max took to him. He had never seen Max take to someone that well so quickly.

Alec’s thoughts were interrupted by Lydia. “Magnus is great with Max…”

Alec stopped walking abruptly, turning around to face Lydia, “I’m so sorry Lydia, I can’t do this.”

Lydia grabbed Alec’s face with her right hand, “Hey, it’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to explain. You deserve to be happy. I’ll be fine...”

Alec smiles, blowing out a long breath, he blinked rapidly, tears threatening to fall. He wasn’t sure if Lydia knew about him, but he suspected she did. Her words felt like conformation, and her understanding and support felt like a much needed hug.

As they made their way back to Magnus and Max, Alec felt a little lighter, not much but a little. “Hey bud, it’s time to go.”

“Look what we made! Magnus rocks!” Max’s hands were flying around in enthusiasm, voice ten octaves above the normal range. “Can we smash the castle?”

Alec was starting to feel the panic creep in again. Max couldn't get this attached to Magnus. “No Max, let’s go,” he said, sternly.

Magnus got up, shaking the sand off his hands, “The tides going get it anyway so you might as well let him have at it.”

Alec nodded, never one to say no to either one of those pleading eyes and with both of them ganging up on him, it wasn’t fair.

Magnus and Max smashed the castle together, like it was the greatest thing the world, which in turn, cemented Magnus as Max’s best friend in the “whole wide world” for the rest of the day.  

“Hey Alexander, I just wanna talk to you about the other night.”

Alec couldn’t meet Magnus’ eyes, instead he told Max to go with Lydia to the jeep and he’d catch up.

“What about it?”

“I think you're really talented, and I think you should do something with it.”

Alec couldn’t do this. No matter how much he wanted to. He couldn’t go down this road with Magnus. He knew Magnus wasn’t just talking about his art, he knew there was an unspoken elephant in the room, neither of them were willing to address.

“That it?”

Magnus blinks, hurt evident on his face, but he masks it quickly.“Yeah.”

“Later.”

<<<>>>

He’s on his rooftop, trying to spray paint, but it’s not coming out how he sees it in his head and it’s frustrating. His head is a mess. He can’t get the hurt in Magnus’ face out of his mind.

Alec starts pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair aggressively. He bites his bottom lip, trying not to think about Magnus, how he can’t go over to Magnus’. He sits on the stool, shaking his legs excessively, hands in his pocket, then takes them out, starts shaking his legs harder, before making up his mind, “fuck it,” he breathes, zipping up his hooded sweater the rest of the way, and leaves.

<<<>>>

Alec knocks on the door frantically, needing to see Magnus like he’s never needed to see anyone before in his life. He wanted to say he was sorry, he wanted so many things, but most of all he just wanted to kiss him.

_Would Magnus even want that?_

Alec was interrupted from his thoughts when Magnus opens the door, looking like the hottest thing he had ever seen. He had a pair of worn jeans on that hung low on his hips, and tight fitted red shirt, and of course, his signature earring in his ear that Alec had had numerous thoughts of licking.

Alec wasn’t sure what he had planned to do when he got there. He knew he wanted Magnus. He had never wanted anyone like he wanted Magnus. There had never been anyone like him. Seeing him there, standing there, looking at him with questioning eyes, no contempt, just curiosity, perhaps even some vulnerability, was all Alec needed to surge forward and kiss Magnus like his life depended on it.

Alec had never even kissed anyone before, he wasn’t sure he was any good at it, but he knew what he wanted in a kiss, so he went with that. He used his right hand on the back of Magnus’ head to pull him forward with force, and pushed him into the house.

Magnus seemed surprised at first, but quickly caught on, kissing Alec back with just as much passion and urgency. Magnus brought his hands to Alec’s shoulders as they both made their way up to the stairs, never breaking the kiss.

Alec brought both his hands to Magnus’s head, running his hands through his jet black hair; it was free of any product, and he loved the softness of it. Magnus had backed Alec up into the wall, hands on either side of the wall, as they made their way halfway up the stairs, and they broke from the kiss, panting into each other’s mouths.

Alec felt the heat in his body, his dick hard, pressed against Magnus’ leg. He knew Magnus was more experienced than him; he could tell by the look he was giving him, he was checking to make sure Alec was sure. “It’s okay, I want this…”

Magnus nodded as he latched onto the right side of Alec’s neck, causing him to rear his head back so fast he thumped it hard, but he didn’t care, Magnus was sucking his neck, and Alec was making noises he had never made before, moans that were making Magnus rut into him and push him farther into the wall.

Alec grabbed the bottom of Magnus’ shirt, feeling the hard muscles of his stomach before pulling his shirt up over his head. Magnus didn’t waste anytime kissing Alec again, devouring his lips like they were his last meal.

Alec needed to get undressed, there were too many layers, he felt like he was suffocating under all the material; he needed to feel Magnus against him. He started pulling his hooded jacket off. Magnus stopped kissing him, frantically helping pull his shirt off, as they made it the rest of the way up the stairs.

As they got to the top of the stairs, Alec broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Magnus,’ breathing each other's air. He reached for his button on his jeans. He was nervous. He looked in Magnus’ eyes, his beautiful eyes, he had never seen anyone so beautiful. Magnus nodded, and Alec continued to undo his jeans.

Once their jeans were off they made their way into what Alec assumed was Magnus’ bedroom. He couldn't be sure; he was too busy kissing Magnus’ face, neck, lips, anywhere he could.

They fell into the bed, Magnus on top, Alec pulled Magnus down on top of him. He couldn't stop kiss him. He never wanted to stop kissing him. Magnus obliged, kissing Alec thoroughly, till he couldn't be sure where he started and where Alec began.

Alec switched positions, Magnus below him. He ground his dick into him, causing them both to gasp. “Boxers, Alexander… off, off.”

Alec was licking Magnus’s ear stud, something he had been wanting to do for what felt like ages, grinding into Magnus, “Wha--?’

Magnus’ voice was strained, legs wrapped around Alec's waist, “We need to get these boxers off now,” he said urgently.

“Oh,” Alec said, dazed, lust keeping him from thinking clearly.

Magnus starts using his feet to pull down Alec’s boxers, grinding up into Alec.

“Fuck,” breathes Alec.

Magnus switches their positions, ridding himself of his boxers before grabbing hold of the sides of Alec’s underwear, pulling them down slowly, looking up at Alec as he does so.

It looks obscene, dirty, erotic, beautiful, and Alec wants to burn this picture into the back of his eyes. He never wants to forget it.

Once Alec’s boxers are off, Magnus looks at Alec laid out before him, naked a beautiful. “You’re so beautiful, Alexander.”

Alec blushes, covering his face with his hands, “Shut up…”

“Learn to take a compliment.”

Alec touches Magnus’ cheek, rubs it with his thumb, “Thank you.”

Magnus kissing in inside of Alec’s palm then smirks before swallowing Alec whole. “Fuck! Ohmygod...fuck, don’t stop...magn--oh my, fuck!”

Alec is an incoherent mess. He can’t think straight. He’s about to cum. His dick starts to get harder, but Magnus pulls off, grabbing them both in hand, both their lengths resting against each other and starts stroking them together. “Mmmshit,” Magnus moans.

Alec arches back, releasing first, “unghhhh...fuck.”

Magnus follows a few strokes later after seeing Alec cum, the sight enough to send him over the edge.

Magnus falls onto the bed, next to Alec, “Wow.”

Once Magnus has caught his breath, he gets up to get a towel to clean themselves.

He’s nervous now, afraid Alec’s going to run like he did when they first kissed, but Alec is still there, eyes closed, looking content.

“Hey Magnus...”

Magnus tenses, waiting for the inevitable, _I need to leave._

“You’re beautiful, too.”

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And Magnus hugged Alec Lightwood tighter, determined to never let him go, to never let him feel alone as he continued to fall harder and harder for this man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! How's everyone doing after that AMAZING and HEARTBREAKING episode? 
> 
> Honestly, I'm still shaken! 
> 
> Okay, back to the story...Here is Chapter 5. I don't think I need to add anymore tags! 
> 
> Enjoy <3

Alec woke disoriented, forgetting for a moment where he was. Quickly the memories came flooding back to him. Magnus...him and Magnus. He smiled, remembering how he came over, not sure what he wanted at first, but once he saw him, he had to have him.

Alec quickly noticed Magnus was holding him; his arm wrapped around his waist, making him feel safe. _Who knew Alec liked being a spoon._

Alec must have shifted, causing Magnus wake. “Morning,” Magnus said, his voice raspy from sleep. Alec could feel his morning erection against his ass. He bit his lip to keep from whimpering.

“Morning. What time is it?”

“Why? You got somewhere you need to go?” Magnus asked as he shifted, causing his dick to rub up against him.

Alec couldn't take it anymore, he turned around, never breaking contact, kissing Magnus hard on the lips, morning breath and all. “Yes, I need to go,” he mumbled against Magnus’ lips.

Alec starts to pull away, his brain _and_ erection protesting, but he knew he needed to go home.

Magnus held him tighter, kissed him harder, pulled him closer.

Alec pulls back, out of breath, “Hey...I gotta go.” He gives Magnus a reassuring smile, one that tells him, they’re okay; that he’ll be back, and gives him one last kiss before making himself leave the bed and get dressed.

<<<>>>

“Mom’s gone.” Izzy says as he makes his way through the door. Alec can’t help but think, _What is it about him coming home and getting bombarded as soon as he comes through the door?_

“And this is a bad thing how?” Alec questioned. Maryse would up and leave all the time. It was usually a good thing, but they knew with school starting for Max it might cause some issues. Alec knew he needed to figure out a more permanent solution with Max.

Izzy laughed, “I know I was just informing you, she went somewhere with her new boytoy and who knows when she’ll be back, so we might have some issues if she’s not back when school starts.”

Alec nodded, trying not to think about it. He had been looking at the kitchen window when Izzy asked, “Where were you last night?” Leaning her hip against the table, coffee in hand, eyebrows quirked in question.

Alec blushed, thinking back to last night with him and Magnus. _Did they have sex?_ Alec wasn’t sure if it was technically considered sex, but it felt like something close to it. He wasn’t ready to talk about any of this to Izzy even though he knew she would probably be supportive. Alec opened the fridge, burying his face in it, so she couldn't see his lie, “No where, just doing art, then went back to Jace’s to hang out.”

“You’re lying. Jace is at school and you never stay out all night without letting me know. You were gazing out the window for Christ's sake, Alec! Who are you seeing? Is it Lydia?” Alec hung his head, shutting the fridge. He turned around to face his sister.

Izzy’s eyes were wide, excitement written all over her face. She wanted to know everything. Her brother never talked about his love life, he was the most repressed person she had ever met.

Alec started to panic, face turning deep red, “W-what, what are you talking about? I’m...I’m not...!” he stammered.

Izzy held up on of her hand,” Okay, okay...you don’t have to tell me. But just know, I’m here if you’d like to talk.” Izzy checked her phone, “Oh, and I need you to watch Max all weekend remember; I have to work then I have to go with Simon Saturday. He’s trying to get work, and I promised to go with for support.”

Alec remembered, he knew how much Simon meant to Izzy and to be honest she deserved a night away, “Yeah, no problem, Izzy. Go have a night away with Simon.”

Izzy kissed his cheek before leaving, sipping her coffee as she went.

<<<>>>

Alec used his red marker to color in parts of his wall. His bedroom walls were one big canvas to him. He was starting to run out of room, and was going to have to paint it all over again, start fresh.

It was late, Max had fallen asleep hours ago. Alec couldn't seem to turn his brain off enough to go to sleep; he was too busy thinking about Magnus, how he wanted to see him again.

Alec’s thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating on his nightstand.

It was was Magnus. Alec, got up and left the room, careful not to wake Max as he went. “Hey,” he said nervously.

“Alexander. Everything okay?” Magnus questioned.

Alec cleared his throat, “Yeah, um...of course.”

Alec could have sworn he heard Magnus exhale on the other end of the phone, like he had been holding his breath. “Come over tonight.”

“I can’t...Max is asleep and no one else is around.”

“What about tomorrow? I make killer cocktails, Alexander.” Magnus said, hopeful.

 _Did Magnus emphasis the word cock or was it Alec’s mind playing tricks on him._ Alec shook his head, sighing, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice but failing miserably, “I can’t.”

“Oh, It’s okay. I understand.”

Alec starts to panic, not wanting Magnus to think he’s brushing him off, “No, it’s not that, Magnus. I have to work tomorrow and watch Max all weekend.”

“So bring the little blueberry,” he said, happiness back in his voice once more.

Alec smiles, his heart melting a little more because of Magnus Bane, “Really?”

“Yes, that kiddo is great, and with you as his big brother how can he not be.”

Alec is speechless. He doesn’t say anything. He wonders if it would be weird to tell Magnus he’s wonderful too or that he never wants to stop talking to him. _Would that scare him off?_ The last thing he wants to do is scare Magnus off.

“I’ll start dinner at seven.” Magnus says, interrupting Alec from his thoughts.

“Oh, um yeah...see you at seven.”

<<<>>>

Alec parallel parked, putting in a few quarters into the parking meter. It was a little after six and he needed to make a quick stop before heading to Magnus’.

Max was excited to visited Magnus; he had been talking about it all day. “Why are we stopped? I thought we were going to Magnus’ house!” He whined.

Alec turned in his seat, “We are, bud, but we need to stop in this store to get you some new shoes.”

Max’s face lit up, “really?” He beamed.

Alec got out, making his way to Max’s side, “Yep.”

It was one of those catch-all stores, the ones that had a little bit of everything. It was all cheap stuff, the stuff no one else wanted, but Alec had been shopping here for years.

They made their way through the store, spotting the shoes. Max quickly sees a pair he likes, “I like these!”

Alec sees they’re a green and white pair that light up. He sees the paper above the shoe rack has written on it, $34.99. Alec winces. He hadn’t planned on spending that much; he couldn't spend that much.

Alec starts eyeing the other shoes, trying to look for something cheaper. He notices a wire display filled with sandals labeled $9.99.

Alec is thankful it’s warm out, that it stays warm most of the year, so getting sandals to get him by for a few weeks will be okay. He will come back and get Max his light up shoes. “I think you should get these ones.” Alec says, fake excitement in his voice, hoping Max doesn’t notice.

Max’s face falls, “But I want real shoes.”

Alec’s heart squeezes tight, making his chest hurt. “These are way cooler, buddy.”

“Will Magnus like them?”

Alec’s heart warms at the thought of how much Max values Magnus’ opinion. “He’ll love them.”

And that’s all his five-year- old brain needs to convince him the sandals are the way to go, is Magnus to think they're cool, and off they went.

<<<>>>

“Hey there little blueberry!” Magnus says, as he lifted Max up and sat him on the granite kitchen countertop.

“I got new shoes!” Max practically yells, lifting his foot out for Magnus to see.

“You did?” Magnus is looking and Max's shoes like they're the most interesting thing in the world.

“They’re blue..but my favorite color is green.”

Magnus nods, “Well, my favorite color happens to be blue, and I think your new shoes are awesome! They’re blue, like a blueberry! Pefect!”

Max’s whole face lights up, smiling wide, and Alec thinks he could walk over and kiss Magnus right now for putting that smile on Max’s face.

“Are you hungry?”

Max nodded his head dramatically, “Starving!”

“Starving?”

Max nodded again, “Mmhm.”

Alec laughed, watching the two of them, absorbed in their own little world. He loved that Magnus was making such an effort with Max.

“What do you want for dinner?”

Alec interrupted, “Hey, he’ll eat whatever…”

Magnus never took his eyes off Max, “I don't think I was asking him, was I?” He said, joking.

Max laughed, shaking his head, “Nope.”

Magnus scrunched up his nose, “I don't think so.”

Alec smiled, shaking his head in amusement.

“Cocktails are here or there’s cold ones in the fridge.” Magnus was now looking at Alec, giving him a friendly smile.

Alec loved Magnus’ smile especially when it was directed at him; it made him feel warm inside, like everything was right in the world, like nothing was unmanageable.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Magnus pointed to some pinkish concoction on the counter. It looked fruity. This must be one of Magnus’ killer cocktails.

“Okay... I’ll try that.” Alec said, taking a sip. He made face. It was strong, not unpleasant, but he wasn’t much a drinker.

Magnus laughed, seeing Alec’s face as he sipped his drink.

Magnus turned his attention back to Max. “Okay, lay it on me, what are you going to have for dinner tonight?”

Max could put on quite the show. He put his hand on his chin for the full of effect of thinking long and hard. “Mac n cheese...hot dogs, and…”

Magnus laughed, “Okay…”

“Oh! And um, pancakes with chocolate chips! No veggies!” Max made sure to put a strong emphasis on the no veggies part.

“No veggies? Are you sure?” Magnus asked.

Max nodded his head vehemently, “Yes, I’m sure! Very, very sure!”

Magnus nods, making sure Max knows he’s taking this very seriously. “Okay, blueberry, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go look out at the ocean. I’m going to make you dinner because I have a very specific dinner request and instructions from a very important guest.”

Magnus lifts Max off the counter and he makes his way over to the window balcony.

Magnus starts looking around the kitchen, looking lost when he hears Max, “Are we still in California?”

Alec laughs, “Yes, buddy.”

Alec can’t believe how amazing Magnus is with Max. He loves watching them together. Max really enjoys Mangus, too. The banter between them is precious.

Alec notices Magnus is grabbing his keys. “Hey, where are you going?”

Magnus, who is completely serious stops in front of Alec, “Yeah, I don’t think we have any of that stuff in the house.”

Alec can’t believe he is real. _How is Magnus real?_ “Magnus, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“No, I want to...I want to. Little kids are supposed to be spoiled.” Magnus holds up his palm, “Besides, I’ll be back in five minutes.” Magnus takes his hand he had up to touch Alec’s arm. Alec can’t help it, he tenses, stepping away and looks back to see if Max had seen. This is all so new to him. Magnus seems to understand. His hand drops.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Fuck.” Alec whispers. He knows he shouldn’t have moved away from Magnus touching his arm. Max would have never known any different, but he’s been suppressing this for so long, old habits are hard to break.

<<<>>>

They’re on the back patio, Alec's second cocktail causing him to feel loose and warm. Max is asleep on the sofa, having fallen asleep shortly after he ate.

“Where did your mom go?” Magnus asked.

Alec sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his finger, “Who knows” he shrugs, “she leaves all the time...it’s good though. I mean it’s so nice when she’s not around--so much easier on everyone.” Alec takes a deep breath. “She’s so hard to be around, so hateful and mean.” Alec looks down at his hands, can’t meet Magnus’ eyes.

“Has she always been like that? I don’t remember much about your mom when we were kids...mostly that she kept to herself.” Magnus’ voice was soft, no judgment.

Alec tries to remember this is Magnus, Magnus who shared his most painful past with him already, who he had been more intimate with than anyone. He wasn’t going to judge him.

Alec took a deep breath.

“She never used to be this bad. Before our dad left she was better...I mean she wasn’t mother of the year, but she at least made an effort. She would work on and off, talk to us like we were human, and even laughed some.” Alec smiles, remembering a time when he had positive memories of his mother. He didn’t have many. “I even remember one time there had been a bunch of scary shit happening in our neighborhood, homes being broken into. Iz and I couldn't have been ten and twelve, I dunno. We were scared, especially Izzy. I remember we were afraid someone was going to come into our house and get us. Dad wasn’t home...So she took us all to her room, and she had all these markers out.”

Alec starts laughing at the memory. He doesn’t look at Magnus to see what he was thinking, he just continues. “I remember thinking she had lost her mind because she starts drawing on the wall with marker. Izzy and I were both thinking, we couldn't draw on the wall, dad will get pissed, but she kept telling us to get a marker and start drawing. She tells us she’s drawing angels to protect us all. Izzy drew Warlocks and Seelies, and I drew these things I called Shadowhunters who keep humans safe from evil. We covered the walls, top to bottom. And we all slept in there, together with the walls covered in these drawings we made to protect us.”

Alec’s eyes had tears in them. He quickly wiped them away. “I think that’s when I first started noticing Robert staying gone a lot, and what little she had good in her, just disappeared along with him. And when he left her, things just got worse.”

Alec sniffed, “The funny thing is I always thought she kept the wall with our drawings all these years because she cared...because deep down she loved us. The truth is, she’s just too lazy and drunk all the time to paint over it.” Alec said, laughing bitterly.

Magnus took Alec’s cup gently from his hands, setting it on the grill. “When did he leave?”

“Three months after Max was born.”

“How bad?”

Alec didn’t need Magnus to elaborate, he knew what Magnus was asking.  

“When she’s not around, it’s Izzy and I are living together, paying for the house, groceries, electric, and taking care of a five-year-old. It’s hard but it’s manageable.” Alec sucks in the breath, “but when she’s there, she sucks all the air out of the room. She will bring you down as low as she can because she has no self worth. She’s miserable and wants to make everyone as miserable as her. Then when the drinking and drugs started, she can become unbearable at times. I try...I try and shield Max from it as much as I can. I put up with it because I’m afraid she’ll take him away from us.”

“Come here.”

Magnus hugged Alec, pulling him in and holding him tight, providing him comfort, strength, and support.

Alec clung to him, wrapping his arms around Magnus, closing his eyes, sagging in relief.

“I admire what you’re doing for Max...you don’t have to,” Magnus said against Alec’s shoulder.

“Yeah... I do,” Alec mumbled.

“It’s a choice Alec... a brave, selfless, admirable choice.”

“It’s family.”

And Magnus hugged Alec Lightwood tighter, determined to never let him go, to never let him feel alone as he continued to fall harder and harder for this man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alec wondered if it was possible to know exactly the moment you fall in love with someone. He had known Magnus since he was a child, and only started to get to know him on a personal level over the last couple of weeks, but it was in this moment, with Magnus looking at him how he was looking at him now, that Alec swore he fell in love with Mangus Bane."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness...SO, this chapter is interesting! It just kind of happened...There is some Fluff, humor, angst, and....PORN!!! LOL Um, so if that's not your thing...you've been warned! So, anyway! Enjoy! <3

“I could get used to this.” Magnus was smiling at Alec in bed, as he watched him trace his pecs with with the tips of his fingers.

 

Alec blushed, loving the feel of Magnus’ soft skin underneath his fingers, “how many mornings is this now?"

 

Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand with his own, lacing their fingers together, “By my calculation, at least eight, but not all consecutive, and not near enough if you ask me.” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s nose, then each of his eyes, next were his cheeks then his chin.

 

Alec loved laying in bed with Magnus, the feel of his warm body next to him, sharing the same space with him, spending hours talking to him, sharing a closeness and intimacy with someone that he had never shared with anyone before. Magnus was the first of many things for Alec, that knowledge making Alec feel warm all over.

 

“So, are you planning on heading back to LA soon?” Alec asked, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice. The truth was, he didn’t want Magnus to go.

 

Magnus started caressing Alec’s face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

 

Alec closed his eyes, enjoying the touch.

 

“I’m really enjoying my time here,” Magnus said.

 

Alec’s heart lurched, happiness surging through him, “Yeah,” he replied, hopefulness in his voice.

 

“You could always come with me.”

 

Alec’s face fell, “Yeah right.”

 

Magnus’ face was earnest, “I’m serious. I live right next to CalArts. You could re-apply.”

 

Alec didn’t say anything. He just held Magnus’ hand tighter. _What could he say?_ He knew Magnus’ time here was only temporary. The last couple weeks they had carved out together, a short detour in life that was never meant to last. He knew that he could never go to CarlArts and leave Max and Izzy. He knew that whatever _this_ was, it was never going to last.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Magnus said, interrupting Alec from his depressing thoughts.

 

Alec smiled, even though he knew this wasn’t going to last, he was not sorry he started this with Magnus. He could never be sorry for Magnus.

 

“Me too.”

 

“Magnus…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I want you to fuck me.”

 

Magnus blinked, startled at first. “Alec, we don’t have to rush into anything...You know that right?”

 

Alec smiled, touched by Magnus’ worry. “Magnus, I know. I don’t feel like we are rushing. I’m ready...” Alec paused then quickly added, “unless you’re not?” Alec questioned, wondering if maybe Magnus wasn’t ready to take their relationship to the next level. Even though Magnus was more experienced, it didn’t mean he wanted to have sex.

 

Magnus smiled at Alec, “Of course I want to, Alexander. I just don’t want you to feel any pressure, and I guess I feel vulnerable, too.”  

 

Alec reached up, running his fingers through Magnus’ soft black hair, “Hey, it’s okay. I want this. We’re okay.” Alec soothed, trying to be reassuring. He started kissing Magnus, then hooked his right leg over his hip to straddled his lap. All they had on was their boxers, the thin layer of material doing nothing to mask their growing erections.

 

Magnus groaned into Alec’s mouth. For all of Alec’s inexperience in bed, he was not shy when it came to sex and what he wanted and Magnus found it to be a huge turn on. Magnus pushed his pelvis up into Alec, causing his back to arch off the bed, providing friction for their hard cocks to rub against each other.

 

“Fuck,” Alec moaned into Magnus’ mouth, “you feel so good.”

 

Magnus reached for Alec’s boxers pulling them down, exposing his long length. _He was beautiful._ Magnus went to grab his length, but Alec stopped him, scurrying back on the bed. “I need to get you naked first,” he said.

 

Magnus laughed.

 

Alec started pulling Magnus’ boxers off, only to get Magnus’ foot caught while trying to pull them off his foot, ripping them in the process, “Oh Jesus,” he groaned.

 

Magnus threw his head back, laughing. “That was graceful!”

 

Alec hid his face in Magnus’ thigh mumbling, “Hey, I never claimed to be an expert at this sex stuff. This ain’t going to be perfect.”

 

Magnus reached for Alec’s face, pulling him up. He pushed Alec gently onto his back. “I never claimed I wanted perfect. I only want you.”

 

Alec wondered if it was possible to know exactly the moment you fall in love with someone. He had known Magnus since he was a child, and only started to get to know him on a personal level over the last couple of weeks, but it was in this moment, with Magnus looking at him how he was looking at him now, that Alec swore he fell in love with Magnus Bane.

 

Alec swallowed, the lump in his throat making it impossible for him to talk.  

 

Magnus reached over to the nightstand, opening the drawer in search for the lube and a condom. “How do you want to do this?” Magnus asked.

 

“Magnus…” Alec whined, neediness in his voice, “fuck me.”

 

Magnus started kissing Alec’s neck, which Alec noticed he had a thing for. He loved to run his nose and mouth against it, trailing kisses along it, making Alec weak and his dick hard.

 

“Mmmm, fuck Magnus.”

 

“Soon.”

 

Alec laughed, wrapping his legs around Magnus’ waist, his cock flush against his belly, already leaking precum.

 

Magnus kissed his way down Alec’s collarbone, all the way down to his pecs where he licked his nipple.

 

Alec gasped, throwing his head back. “Shit!”

 

“You’re so beautiful when you come undone for me, Alexander.”

 

Alec was panting, completely and utterly wrecked.

 

Magnus made his way over to his other nipple, determined to give it just as much attention as the other.

 

Alec was losing his mind. He grabbed Magnus by the hair, not sure if he wanted to push him into his nipple for more or push him away because it was too much; it was all too much. He felt too much. “Shit, shit, shit,” he chanted.

 

Magnus made his descent lower, licking at Alec’s stomach, the hair corse on his tongue, the feel of it making him harder than he already was.

 

When Magnus reached Alec’s dick, he started kissing the inside of his thighs, Alec snapped, yanking his hair, “Stop fucking teasing me.”

 

Magnus chuckled, taking Alec into his mouth, deep and wide.

 

“Ohmygod, Magnus!”

 

Alec’s hips arched off the bed. Magnus put a hand on his hip to keep him from lifting up and choking him, and Magnus continued to lap at Alec’s length, hitting  the back of his throat which each bob of his head.

“Magnus, I’m...fuck, fuck...fu---I’m” Magnus pulled off grabbing Alec’s balls gently to keep him from cuming. He quickly grabbed the lube that was on the bed, pouring a generous amount on his fingers and Alec’s hole.

 

Magnus looked at Alec once more, beautiful Alec, who had given him more joy over the last few weeks than he can ever remember ever having. “Are you ready?” He asked.

 

Alec nodded, frantically.

 

Magnus rubbed one finger against Alec’s hole, massaging him gently before pushing in.

 

Alec sucked in a breath. It stung, but the pain wasn’t unbearable. He nodded for Magnus to continue.

 

Magnus started jacking Alec off simultaneously as he pushed his finger in and out of him.

 

Alec was laying there, hands above his head, head thrown back, moaning Magnus’ name like a prayer, and Magnus had never seen anything more obscene and sexier in his life.

 

Magnus moaned, “Jesus Alec, do you know how amazing you look right now? I could cum just from this imagine alone.”

 

Alec opened his eyes, hooded with lust, “more,” he said.

 

Magnus had to take his hand that was slowly jacking Alec’s dick off Alec to his own dick to stop the impending orgasm that was threatening to explode from him just from watching Alec.

 

Once Magnus was sure he wasn’t going to cum, he added a second finger in Alec.

 

“Fuck,” moaned Alec, “Now, Magnus...now!”

 

“Patience.”

 

“Now!”

 

Magnus shook his head in amusement at Alec’s impatience, deciding to take mercy on him, his own arousal becoming increasingly urgent by the second. He grabbed the lube, and poured more onto Alec’s hole before ripping open the condom, sheathing himself and putting a generous amount on his length.

 

Taking a deep breath, he lined himself up, “Are you ready?”

 

Alec’s answer was to use his long legs to pull Magnus in closer.

 

Magnus inched in little by little. “Breathe, Alexander.”

 

Alec felt the air punch out of his lungs. It was painful, even though Magnus prepared him well. He breathed, like Magnus told him too. Once Magnus was all the way in, he pulled him down on top of him, where they both stayed, not moving.

 

Magnus began rubbing Alec’s sweaty hair from his forehead, providing soothing comfort as he adjusted to Magnus inside of him.

 

Alec kissed him, devoured his mouth. “Move,” he said, against his lips.

 

Magnus did, slowly at first, still kissing Alec in the process.

 

Alec still felt the sting, that soon turned to a dull ache, but as Magnus continued to move the pain became less and less, till eventually there was no pain.

 

Alec didn’t know when he stopped kissing Magnus and was just panting into his mouth, both breathing in each other’s air.

 

Magnus pushed up onto his arms, looking down at Alec. It somehow provided a new angle for Magnus, causing him to hit Alec’s prostate with each thrust.

 

Alec’s eyes flew open, “Shit!” He screamed. “Ohmygod, fuck! Don’t stop! Right there...fuck, fuck...Magnu---shit!”

 

Alec’s arms were flailing around, he didn’t know what to do with them. Magnus grabbed them with both his hands, pushing them above his head. It caused his stomach to trap Alec’s cock between their each of their stomachs. Alec’s cock was slick with precum, making it easy to slide between their bellies every time Magnus pumped into him.

 

Alec felt his body go into overdrive. He couldn't understand how his body could feel so good. _How was this real life?_

 

“Magn--” Alec began, unable to get his name out before he exploded all over his and Magnus’ stomach.

 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck,” Alec breathed out over and over, dazed.

 

Magnus could feel Alec’s cum on his stomach and chest. “You’re so beautiful,” Magnus said against Alec’s lips. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen and felt, and it was so beautiful seeing Alec come undone.

 

Magnus pulled out of Alec, and quickly pulled off the condom. He straddled Alec, and started stroking his cock over Alec’s stomach, right where his cum was drying.

 

“Cum for me Magnus, cum all over me.”

 

Magnus moaned, long and loud, before releasing all over Alec, his cum mixing with Alec’s.

 

Alec felt Magnus’ warm cum hit his belly; he ran his fingers through it with his left hand, and with his right hand, he grabbed Magnus by the neck, pulled him down onto him and kissed him hard and long like he was never letting him go, like maybe if he kissed him hard enough and long enough he could keep Magnus with him forever.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec woke some time later to find the bed empty. Lifting up onto his arms he looked around for Magnus. Alec smiled at the memories of earlier came flooding back to him. Him and Magnus had sex. The sting in his backside a pleasant reminder of what he and Magnus shared, and what he wanted to continue to share with him.

 

Alec noticed Magnus was on the balcony that overlooked the ocean. Alec got up, putting on his boxers and made his way out to Magnus, smiling at the memory of Magnus’ ripped boxers. 

 

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus from behind, using his height to his advantage, he was able to able to use his arms to circle his waist and kiss his neck.

 

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Alec asked.

 

Magnus sighed in contentment, “Just watching the beautiful sunset.” He turned in Alec’s arms, resting his strong, muscular arms on Alec’s shoulders, “how are you feeling?”

 

“A bit sore, but nothing a few days won’t heal, and if I’m being honest...I like it.” Alec blushed, biting his lip, as he looked down at his feet.

 

Magnus lifted Alec’s face up by his chin, “A bath and some TLC from yours truly?” Magnus smiked.

 

Alec laughed, face still red.

 

“No really...you sure you’re okay, Alexander?”

 

“Magnus...I’m fine. It was perfect.”

 

Magnus smiled, face lighting up at Alec’s reassurance.

 

“I just texted Izzy. I need to get home soon.”

 

Magnus smiled, “When do you have to work?”

 

“I have to work tomorrow morning at the store. Then I’m actually off the rest of the afternoon and night, but I should probably take Max, I’ve kind of been pawning him off to Izzy a lot lately” Alec laughed, guiltily, but couldn't bring himself to regret all the time he’s spent with Magnus.

 

Magnus shook his head, amazed by Alec’s selflessness. The man was incapable of ever doing anything for himself, without it feeling like it was selfish.

 

“How about we meet up after you work and we take Max surfing. I bet he would love it.” Magnus offered.

 

“That sounds like a nice idea Magnus, but he doesn’t have a wetsuit…”

 

Magnus pulled Alec close to him by his hips, “Don’t worry about it...leave that to me.”

 

“No, I couldn't do that.” Alec shook his head, trying to step back, walls coming up.

 

Magnus held him tighter, “Why not? Please, Alec...let me. It’s just a wetsuit. Little blueberry will love it, and it gives us all an opportunity to spend some time together.”

 

“I’ll pay you back.”

 

Magnus didn’t argue. He wanted to. He wanted to say this wasn’t about money, that he had more than enough, and he wanted to this for the three of them. That it was a gift to them, and that it shouldn’t matter, but he knew that Alec wasn’t used to relying on anyone but himself, so the fact Alec even said yes in the first place was victory enough he supposed, so Magnus kissed him instead.

 

<<<>>>

 

Turns out Max enjoyed using his surfboard as a floating board more than an actual _surf_ board.

 

“Did you see his face when that water hit him in the face!” Alec laughed, “he was not pleased.” Alec’s emphasis of the word _not_ is dramatic. He couldn't believe how much Max hated getting his face wet. He did not enjoy when the wave would pour over him. He preferred to stay in calmer waters as he floated on top of the board. Poor Max was very happy to get back dryland and spend time Izzy.

 

Magnus shook his head, “I think blueberry would prefer to stick to public pools, if you ask me. The ocean may be a bit too much for him right now!”

 

Alec feans shock, “You watch your mouth! No brother of mine is going to prefer some fake commercialized institution that takes your money over nature's freely given gift!”

 

Magnus barks out a laugh, pushing Alec onto the bed, “Oh my god, you’re one of those!”

 

“What? One of those who thinks we shouldn’t be giving our money to go swim at public pools when we’ve got the ocean for _free_ in our backyard?” Alec is scooting back on the bed, having just kicked off his shoes.

 

Magnus smiles, having just removed his shirt, looking at Alec like he hung the moon.“God, I lo--” Magnus stops, hands on the button of Alec’s shorts. Alec freezes too, having just removed his shirt, both aware of what Magnus was just about to say.

 

“Yo, yo, yo! What do ya know!” They hear from downstairs, causing them both to snap out of their shocked stupor.

 

“Shit!” Alec panics, flying up out of the bed like someone electrocuted his ass.

 

“Oh shit, it’s Jace!” Magnus starts frantically searching the bed for his shirt. He can’t find it. _Where the fuck did he throw it?_

 

“Maggie poo!” Jace yells, getting closer as he ascends up the stairs. _Did he learn to fly when he was at college,_ Magnus wonders.

 

Alec wants to throw up. He can’t believe this is happening, that Jace is about to catch him and Magnus together. He looks at Magnus for help, like he can magically fix this.

 

Magnus grabs Alec’s shoes and tossing the first shirt he finds at him, shoving him into the ensuite bathroom. “Go, go, go.”

 

“The Jace-ters back!”

 

Magnus rolls his eyes.

 

Jace is right outside the door, he tries to open it, noticing it’s locked. “You got a girl in there with you? or a guy? Both? I don’t judge!”

 

Magnus wants to bang his head against the wall. He loves his brother, he really does, but he’s an idiot.

 

“No! I’m sleeping!” Magnus says, exasperated.

 

Magnus unlocks the door, letting Jace in.

 

Jace holds up his hands, “Oh, did I interrupt you beating off? My bad!”

 

“No...I was sleeping!”

 

Jace grabs Magnus by his shoulders as he walks away and gives him a big squeeze, full of brotherly affection, and Magnus starts to remember why he loves the idiot again.

 

“So you sleep with the door locked?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Jace eyes him skeptically, “Okay weirdo.”

 

Jace starts to make his way to the bathroom but Magnus grabs him. “Hey come here, dumbass! I’ve missed you. It’s so good to see you!” Magnus gives Jace one of those exaggerated pats on the back, and Jace does the same.

 

“It’s good to see you too, bro.” Magnus makes sure to keep Jace’s back to the bathroom.

 

Alec, looks and sees Magnus and Jace still awkwardly hugging and any other time he’d be laughing his ass off, but right now he needed to get out of there. Magnus is signalling for him to make a run for it, and he does.

 

Jace leaps on Magnus’ bed, like a big kid. Magnus smirks when he thinks about what him and Alec were just about to do on that bed.

 

“Dude, so what are you still doing here man? I thought you were moving into your new place this week?”

 

Magnus’ decides to be honest with Jace because underneath all that joking and dumb partyboy exterior he is a pretty good guy and brother. “The thought of moving into an empty place is depressing, ya know?”

 

Jace frowns from his perch on the bed. “Are you doing alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Magnus nods, “I’m good.”

 

Magnus notices Alec’s dark green shirt laying on the bench near the wall. Magnus quickly uses the comforter that had fallen to the ground when they jumped out of the bed to cover it up, trying to look like he was just picking it up off the floor. _Shit, he hopes that didn’t look suspicious._

 

“Yeah, I heard from mom it was pretty rough there for awhile. Ya know...after the break-up with Camille.” Jace looks like he’s swallowing glass when he says her name. He never liked Camille, both of them fought like cats and dogs when they were forced to be around the each other, luckily it was not much over the years they dated. Magnus saw Jace mouth the words _bitch_ after he said her name, never one to help himself.

 

Magnus chuckled softly, “Yeah...tough.”

 

“Don’t worry Romeo, you’ll find someone new, one who will appreciate how great you are and not cheat on you!” Jace mouths the words _bitch_ again.

 

Magnus shakes his head, determined to change the subject, not sure if Alec is still in the house. “Yeah thanks.”

 

“So...you ready to come hang out with your real friends?”

 

Magnus raises his eyebrows. “Yeah...okay.”

 

Jace hops off the bed. “Right on! I’ll call Alec!” He says, smiling brightly. He gives Magnus another big hug, before they both turn around at the sound of a door closing.

 

“What was that?” Jace says, confused.

 

“June’s probably cleaning today.”

 

Jace looks at Magnus in confusion. “But June cleans on Tuesday’s.”

 

Magnus’ hands go to his hips; he’s just about had enough. He can’t keep up this dance for much longer. “Yes, yes she does. Pool guy then...I dunno.” He laughs, awkward. He can’t believe how ridiculous this whole thing is right now.

 

Jace’s brows knit together in worry. “You okay? Because you looked a bit freaked out…”

 

Magnus yawns and scratches his head for full effect, “Yeah just tired.”

 

“Okay...anything to eat in the fridge?” And Jace seems satisfied, dropping it at that, in favor of feeding his face.

 

Magnus blows out a breath. “Yeah, there’s plenty in the fridge.”

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec couldn’t believe they had almost gotten caught. Alec continued making orders, working on autopilot as he contemplated his relationship with Magnus. He knew Magnus wasn’t staying.

 

He didn’t know that he had purchased a new apartment, but he knew that he had went through a nasty break-up. He figured Camille kept the apartment they shared so it made sense. Hearing Jace and Magnus talk about it earlier only reminded Alec that this was just something to pass the time for Magnus. He thought Magnus had been about to say I... _no_ , Alec couldn't think like that. He knew he meant a lot to Magnus, but what he had with Magnus was never going to be more than a summer fling. And that line of thinking hurt more than it should.

 

Alec knew... he knew it could never be more for him and Magnus, but Alec wanted it to be more. The fact Magnus had a life to get back to, that he was just coming off a nasty break-up...or the fact Alec was stuck in San Pedro with more family responsibility than any twenty-two year old should have to deal with didn’t stop him from wanting more, from wanting it to work. But Alec knew...how could it work? He wasn’t even out yet? They were just two different, from two different worlds.

 

“Yo burger boy!”

 

Alec jumps, startled from his deep, depressing thoughts.

 

“Jace! What are you doing down here?” Alec quickly hugs him, and they do their handshake, as customary.  

 

Jace does what he does best, starts making himself a home, even at the diner; he starts flipping himself a burger.

 

“Just down for the weekend. Decided to bring someone down...I’d like you to meet her.”

 

Alec smiles, can’t believe Jace has brought someone home. “You going soft on me, man?”

 

Jace scoffed, too full of himself to let that one slide, “No such thing! Have you seen me! Clary’s just different though...”

 

Alec’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

 

“Right so party at my house tonight, everyone’s coming. But I wanna grab a quick surf sesh before...We can use the board you’ve been keeping and using at the house. You can meet Clary at the party. She’s doing a bunch of girly shit. She’ll be over later tonight.” Jace takes a bite of the burger he made, toppings dripping down his arm. He licks it up. “Cool?”

 

“What board?” Alec asked nervously, not hearing anything else other than Jace knew about the board Alec had been using at their house.

 

“Huh?” Jace asked, mouth full of food.

 

“Yeah...the board you’ve been keeping and using at the house. I saw it out back.”

 

Alec starts to panic. “Yeah...oh yea, that board. I left it there awhile ago.” Alec’s voice was doing that thing when he was nervous and lying---where it went all shaking and high pitched. He hoped like hell Jace hadn’t noticed.

 

Jace shrugged, taking another bite of his burger, “Whatever dude, I’ll see you around five.”

 

Alec nods, not even saying anything, mind still fresh with panic. He’s also not even sure he can go. He has to check with Izzy.

 

“Nice shirt by the way.” Jace says as he leaves the kitchen, back already to Alec.

 

Alec looks down, noticing he’s wearing Magnus’ shirt.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec sent a quick text to Izzy informing her that Jace was back in town and wanted to catch a quick wave and he’d be home to help with Max after. She seemed fine with it. He most likely wasn’t going to be able to go to the party and hadn’t told Jace yet…

 

“Dude so what’s the latest? You seeing anyone?” You and Lydia ever make a go of it?” Jace asked, one question after another. It was hard for Alec to keep up.

 

Alec clears his throat, rubbing his hands in his wet hair, “No, I think that ship has sailed,” he joked.

 

Jace laughed. “Good! Glad to hear it! That shit was never gonna work! So what have you been doing? I talk to a bunch of people, no one sees you anywhere.”

 

“Everyone’s gone, man.”

 

Jace looks up, noticing Magnus running towards them, having just finished surfing. “Oh there he is! You lasted pretty long out there, old man! My big brother...on a longboard! I never thought I see the day.” Jace feigns shock.

 

Magnus points a finger at Jace, “Who you calling old man? You watch your mouth!”

 

Jace and Alec laugh, knowing how sensitive Magnus is about his age.

 

“Call me back in ten years and we’ll see what you have to say about that.”

 

Jace snorts full of bravado, “Yeah right, you’ll never see me on a longboard...ever.”

 

Jace hops up off the sand, “I’m going to get beers.”

 

Magnus laughs at his brother and his ever racing mind, always jumping from one thing to next, like an album on skip. He sits down next to Alec, putting his hand on his thigh.

 

Alec jumps back like he’s been electrocuted, frantically checking to make sure Jace didn’t see. “Magnus!” He says, frustrated, like he can’t understand why Magnus doesn’t get where Alec is coming from.

 

Magnus shakes his head in disappointment, causing Alec to want to crawl into a hole and hide in shame. The last thing he wants to do is disappoint Magnus.

 

“Magnus I…”

 

Magnus gets up to leave, not looking back as he walks away.

  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus had tears in his eyes too, but he swallows the lump in his throat, “You’ll never get what you want, Alec unless you take it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! Thank you so much everyone for the kudos and comments!!! You guys are amazing!!!
> 
> Okay...this chapter was hard to write (insert crying emoji). If you've seen the movie, you'll understand. But, the chapter ends on the hopeful note, and don't worry, the next chapter is much less angsty and HAPPY!! I was dreading writing this chapter! It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it wasn't fun! 
> 
> Just some warning...Maryse is in it, and I did try and make her human, but she's still a nasty piece of work, so just some warning, she's not too nice to Alec, but bare with me, there's a reason for her character. 
> 
> If there is a tag you would like me to add, please let me know. I don't think there's anything I need to add, but if you feel there is something I should, I'm happy to add it! 
> 
> Okay, I feel like enjoy isn't an appropriate word...So, I'll just say, here's chapter 7! 
> 
> <3

Alec takes a deep breath, wondering what fresh hell is waiting for him as he walks through the door. He can feel it in his bones, the impending doom, like there is a storm cloud hovering just above his head, waiting to unleash it’s fury. “Hey Max,” Alec says, as he walks through door. Max is playing with his Batman on the back of the couch, making it do backflips. Alec sucks in a breath, his mother sits on the couch next to him, sucking on her cigarette with some much aggression, he can imagine she’s went through a whole pack in just an hour. 

 

Alec’s shoulders tense, stance wide, preparing for battle, “What’s wrong?” He asked.

 

Maryse takes a long drag of her cigarette, “Max, go to your room.”

 

Max doesn’t argue, he knows better.

 

“So you are a fag.” She says, not bothering to even look at Alec. “What did I tell you...hmmm?” She grabs another cigarette out of her pack. “I told you I could not deal with you being a fag, Alec! Please tell me Max is just confused!” 

 

Alec feels like someone has punched him in the gut, hard enough that his breathing has become more labored. He tries sucking in air through his nose slowly and breathing out through his mouth. “What do you mean?” 

 

Maryse finally looks up at Alec and Alec is shocked to discover there are tears in her eyes. “Don’t play dumb with me...You want to go around being confused and disgusting fine, but don’t drag Max into it! It’s totally fucked!” 

 

Alec blanches, “I didn’t bring him into anything!” 

 

Maryse points her finger at Alec, “You brought him over to Magnus’--to his house!” she screams.

 

Alec’s protective instincts start to rise, his need to defend Magnus from Maryse and her ignorance is so strong, he feels like he might be sick if he doesn't. Alec has spent too long staying quiet. He’s tired of staying quiet. “Max loves Magnus! Magnus is better than all this, mom! Max is lucky to know him!” 

 

Maryse starts laughing, the mean and spiteful laugh. “You poor child! You think you're in love? He will never love you...You are nothing but a summer fuck to him. A hot peice of ass.”

 

Alec wants to hit something, having Maryse confirm one of his biggest fears. “You’re one to talk, considering your track record when it comes to guys.” 

 

Maryse pulls her hand back and slaps Alec across the face. The sting bites, but Alec welcomes the pain. 

 

“Max needs a positive role model in his life, Alec. He’s not going to understand all this!” 

 

Alec looks back at his mother...the sting on his cheek giving him the courage to keep going. “Since when did you become mother of the fucking year? Why do you even care? Me and Izzy are the only ones who have given Max anything resembling a sense of family since dad left.” 

 

“So why don’t you just leave and go have a big gay wedding then?” 

 

Alec shook his head, laughing bitterly. “This isn’t about me and Magnus. This is about you and your issues. You are so miserable and too scared of being alone. You’re afraid of being left!” 

 

“I’m the only one who hasn’t left! Ya know, dad left! I may not be mother of the year...but at least I didn’t fucking leave, Alec! At least I stayed! You remember that when you're always judging me! And Max is  _ my _ child...not yours,  _ mine!  _ You also remember that the next time you see _him_!” 

 

Alec flinched. He knew a threat when he heard one. He knew exactly what Maryse was insinuating. 

 

<<<>>>

  
  


Alec paced the living room...Max already asleep. Maryse wasn’t home,  _ thank god. _

 

“Hey hermano.” Izzy said as she made her way into the house with Simon in toe. 

 

Simon smiled, “Hello tall, dark, and grumpy,” Simon waved shyly.

 

Alec rolled his eyes. “ Why does my sister date you...I will never understand.” Alec could see where others would find Simon attractive...it was his annoying personality Alec couldn’t get past. 

 

“Hey, I’ll have you know I’m very likeable. You seem to be the only person immune to my charm, so I think it’s you. I mean...at first I thought it was me, but now I just think it’s you. You’re the only person who doesn’t like me, so ya I think it’s you! Yep. definitely you.” Simon was rambling, the nervous kind of talking he does everytime he’s around Alec. 

 

“Right...I need to go. Jace is having a party, and I said I’d try to make it if I could. You planning on staying in?”

 

Izzy had her hand on Simon’s shoulder, smiling at him in amusement, “Yeah, we’re good.” 

 

Alec nodded, grabbing his keys. 

 

“Hey, Alec…”

 

Alec turns around. 

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah...why wouldn’t I be?” He questioned, confused. 

 

Izzy shrugs, “I dunno..you just seem kind of out of it...and grumpier than usual.” Izzy nudges him playfully. 

 

Alec laughs, “I’m fine, Iz.” 

 

<<<>>>

 

“Say hello to Clary!” Jace beams, introducing a small, pale, skinny girl with fiery red hair. 

 

Alec blinks, shocked by Clary because she’s not at all what he pictured the girl Jace would bring home to look like. 

 

“Hey Alec, I’ve heard a lot about you.” She waves, her smile friendly. She seems much too nice for Jace. 

“I can’t even imagine.” 

 

“Don’t worry...they’re mostly good things. Jace thinks the world of you!” 

 

Alec rubs his palms on his jeans, he’s incredibly uncomfortable talking to new people, but she seems nice, much too nice for Jace. He also notices how Jace is looking at her. It shocks him, it’s clear that Jace really likes her, might even love her. 

 

Alec looks across the firepit where Magnus is, talking to a couple of guys and a girl. He can't tell what they are talking about. He looks amazing, dressed in maroon t-shirt with gold swirls. He’s got on black tight jeans and black leather bracelets. His black hair has product in it today, and the fire in the night sky is making his skin glow more than it already does. It’s too much. Alec can’t take it anymore. He gets up, beer still in hand, not even sure where he’s going, just that he has to get out of there and away from Magnus and his feelings. 

 

Alec starts walking to his jeep, at least that’s where he thinks he’s going, when someone grabs his arm. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

Alec turns around, dropping his beer. It’s Magnus. “Oh god.” He looks around, frantically. He can see his jeep not too far off and he thinks of making a run for it. “I can’t do this…” He starts walking to his jeep, hands in his pockets, afraid he will touch Magnus if he doesn’t.

 

“Alexander! Wait!” Magnus says, running after him, stopping right in front of him to keep him from leaving.

 

Alec closes his eyes, hearing his full name uttered from Magnus’ lips making it even harder for him to control himself. 

 

“What’s going on…” Magnus reaches for Alec’s face, caressing his cheek, “talk to me, babe.” 

 

And Alec surges forward devouring Magnus’ mouth, he backs him up into the car, til Magnus’ back hits the back of the door. Magnus grunts in surprise. Alec continues to devour Magnus’ mouth, pouring all his love and pain into the kiss. 

 

Magnus’ hand touches the skin above Alec’s jeans, and it’s all Alec needs to wake up and remind himself why he can’t do this. 

 

Alec pulls himself away from the kiss. They’re both panting, chests heaving.

 

Magnus looks at Alec in confusion, “Alexander…?”

 

“I need some time...I just don’t know if this is really what I want.” 

 

Magnus stands there looking at Alec, eyes narrowed, then his eyes go to his lips, “It seems like what you want.” 

 

Alec knows he’s sending mixed signals. His thoughts of Max and his mother’s threats keep him talking. “I just don’t know if this is what I want...for good.”

 

Magnus frowns, breath becoming more rapid, hurt, panic, evident in his face, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

 

_ Think of Max, think of Max  _

 

“It’s not as easy for me as it is for you! This is all totally knew for me!” 

 

Magnus eyes soften, “I know you’re not out yet, Alexander…”

 

“Stop calling me, Alexander! My name is Alec!” 

 

The pain in Magnus’ face is so severe, Alec wants to crawl into a hole and never come out. 

 

“Alec, we can get through this…” 

 

“It’s not about being gay...Magnus you just don’t get it, okay! I can’t just take whatever I want. My life’s not like that.” Alec could feel the tears falling down his face, he didn’t even bother trying to wipe them away. 

 

Magnus had tears in his eyes too, but he swallows the lump in his throat, “You’ll never get what you want, Alec unless you take it.” 

 

Alec is frustrated Magnus can’t understand. “Take it? You know you and Jace have always just been able to point and take, no questions asked--you don’t realize it’s not like that for other people!” Alec is yelling know, unable to control his emotions, all his pain and anger seeping out of him for Magnus to see. 

 

Magnus laughs, but there is no humor in it. “Really Alec? Are you forgetting where I came from? Are you forgetting how my story started? You don’t get to use the fact I was adopted into a rich family against me! Just like you don’t get to use where you were born and who your family is as a reason to not do anything for yourself!” Magnus was yelling now too, both saying things to each other they didn’t mean and would regret later. 

 

Alec wiped his eyes and nose with his hand, taking one final look at Magnus, his beautiful Magnus. “I’m done.” 

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec continued to wipe the countertop down with vigor. It was therapeutic, his mind racing with too many thoughts. He knew he had done the right thing. He had to do it for Max and Izzy. He had to do what was right by his family. He had his family duty to think about. He wouldn't let his personal life cloud his judgement... _ but why did it hurt so much? _ Why did Magnus’ hurt face, make him want to go to Magnus and beg for his forgiveness, beg him to take him back. 

 

Alec heard a knock on the door. “We’re closed!” He said, not bothering to look and see who it was. They knocked again. 

 

Sighing, he made his way over to the door. It was Jace. “What’s up, bro?” 

 

“Fuck, I’m hungover.” Jace made his way over to the counter, putting his head on it. He looked pitiful. 

 

Alec laughed, “Kitchen is still closed; you want coffee?” 

 

With his head in his arms, Jace nodded. 

 

“So what’s up?” Alec asked, handing Jace his coffee. 

 

“I’m taking off later today.” He took a sip of his coffee. “I never saw you leave last night.” 

 

Alec didn’t say anything, but his heart started to beat faster.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Alec started wiping down the countertops once more, with vigor. “Tell you what?” 

 

“I don't care..at all.”

 

Alec couldn't do this...He wasn’t ready to talk about this with Jace. He wasn’t ready to talk about Magnus with Jace.  “I don't know what you’re talking about?” Alec blew out a shaky breath. 

 

Jace ignored him, oblivious as ever to Alec’s discomfort. “I mean have you always known? I mean, it makes sense why you never dated Lydia or anyone come to think of it.” 

 

Turning around, Alec threw his washcloth on the table, “Seriously, dude.”

 

Jace twists his coffee cup in his hands, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline, “Okay, the fact it’s my brother is totally wired.” 

 

Alec blows out a long breath, like he’d been holding it since Jace walked in, “I know…”

 

“I mean like really fucking weird.”

 

Leave it to Jace to start making things more awkward, “I got it...sorry.”

 

Jace looks up at Alec, sympathetic, “Don’t be sorry.”

 

All Alec can do is nod. 

 

Jace bites his lip, “So you been with other guys?”

 

Alec turns beat red, wanting the ground to swallow him whole. “Jace! Fuck off.” It was like the they were tiptoeing around that one word, that one word neither of them would say.

 

Jace nods, acknowledging he overstepped. “So where’d you go last night?” 

 

“Slept in my car.”

 

Jace looks at Alec in confusion. “Why didn't you just crash at mine? This doesn't have to change things…”

 

Alec frowns, sometimes he’s amazed at Jace’s ignorance. “This doesn't change things? He questions, “yeah...you’re right Jace…” he says, full of sarcasm. 

 

“I used to be the guy you came and talked to remember, before Magnus.” Jace frowns, “this isn’t exactly easy on me.” 

 

Sometimes Jace’s selfishness amazes Alec, but he has to remember how spoiled Jace is; how entitled he is. “It isn’t easy on you?” he questions, frustrated. Alec shakes his head. He knows Jace has so much growing up to do. “You know what...it’s over anyway, so just leave it. I gotta clean up and you gotta leave.”

 

Jace doesn’t move at first; he seems to be contemplating his next move. When he makes up his mind, he gets up, making his way to the door. Alec follows. 

 

“We’re still bros...I mean it. Nothing’s changed.” He hugs Alec, and Alec wishes that were true. This changes everything, and they both knew it. 

 

<<<>>>

 

It had been a week since he  _ broke _ up with Magnus, and Alec thought it would get better, but it only seemed to be getting harder. He missed him. He wanted to call him so many times. There were times when he found something funny, and he would want to text him a picture and send it, and would have to stop himself. 

 

Instead Alec tired to keep himself busy working, doing his art, and filling out his CalArts application. 

 

“Hey Izzy!” Alec called from the kitchen. “Have you seen my portfolio, I can’t find it anywhere?” Alec was rummaging through a stack of papers on the table. 

 

Izzy shakes her head, “I don’t know…” 

 

Alec sighs, frustrated, “I was putting it together for CalArts…” 

 

Izzy smiles, pride in her eyes, “I’m so happy for you Alec!” 

 

Alec frowns, “Well, don’t get too excited, I can’t find my portfolio, and the deadline is today…”

 

“Shit.”

“Yeah, shit.” Alec agrees.

 

“I’ll help you look.”

  
  


<<<>>>

 

Alec’s waiting outside Wilson’s for Izzy to get done with her shift. Max and him are coloring on the picnic tables, making shapes and animals. 

 

“How come we never see Magnus anymore?” Max asks.

 

Alec feels like the air has been sucked out of his lungs. It’s been two weeks since he’s seen Magnus, since that night, since Alec accepted the fact he can never have what he wanted, be who he wanted.

 

“Sometimes that happens, Max, people leave.”

 

Max stops coloring, looking up at Alec, with sad eyes, “Why did he leave?”

 

Alec wants to cry because he doesn’t want Max to think that Magnus left him, but he’s not sure how else to explain this to a five-year-old. “It’s complicated, a grown up thing.” 

 

Max’s bottom lip trembles, “Can we say hi to him even though he left, he’s my friend.”

 

And Alec wants to scream, he wants to scream and cry, and yell at the universe for being so unfair and cruel. “No, sometimes people leave and never come back.” 

 

“Like daddy?”

 

Alec nods, “Yeah, like daddy,” he says, voice shaky. 

 

“Word of warning, Dean’s on tonight and he’s a nightmare! Steer clear! Izzy says as she makes her way over to Alec and Max. She can see Alec has tears in his eyes, and Max is frowning, “what’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing...thanks for the tip! I’ll see you tonight, buddy.” 

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec laid in the sand; it was a hot summer’s night. The ocean’s breeze is strong enough he needs a jacket. He couldn't bring himself to go home after work; he’s sure Izzy is probably worried. He usually always lets her know when he’s not coming straight home after work. Tonight he just didn’t care. He had to get away, and he found himself at the ocean...at Magnus’ spot. 

 

Alec laid there wondering how he ever thought he would be good enough for Mangus. Magnus who was out and proud of who he was. Why would he ever want someone with so much baggage, someone who was still in the closet for fuck’s sake. Alec laughs that the obscurity of his situation, the fact he can’t even admit who he is outloud, say the words. He knew he was gay, yet, has he ever even uttered those words to anyone before, even out loud to himself in his entire life? Then there's Max.

 

He was right to break it off, if he didn’t, Magnus would have done it as soon as he realized Alec was not worth the hassle. 

 

Alec’s phone vibrated, distracting him from his thoughts. It must mean he had service again. It was always spotty out by the ocean. Alec checked it and saw he had a voicemail:  _ Hey Alec it’s Mark Kelly from CalArts. I got your portfolio and application. I’m kinda surprised to see your applied again but really happy you did, so I returned the portfolio to the ocean beach address that you sent it from. There's a couple of things I need to go over with you before I can continue with it, so give me call with you get this. I’m on ex. 20, and I hope to hear from you. Alright? Take care. _

 

Magnus...that was all Alec could think about in that moment, not that his portfolio had been sent to CalArts or how they were interested, it was that Magnus sent his application into CalArts. And Alec wanted to weep...weep because he was hopeful but also heartbroken. He knew he was in love with Magnus, and maybe just maybe Magnus was in love with him too. Perhaps he was right, Alec could never get what he wanted unless he took it, and what he wanted was Magnus. 

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m gay and it’s taking me so long to even utter those words out loud. I've been so scared that those words would make me lose everything when really, me being such a coward is what is making me lose everything, not being gay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here is chapter 8! I hope you like it:) Thank you again for all the comments and kudos! You guys are AMAZING!!!

Alec felt like he hadn’t slept in weeks, over two weeks to be exact. The pounding in his head from lack of sleep was making his foul mood even worse. Alec made his way past his mother’s room, noticing her bedroom door was open, with her inside.

 

Maryse was naked, tangled in her bedsheets with some guy next to her. Alec noticed there were empty pill bottles littered on the floor, along with an empty bottle of liquor. Alec eyed his mother’s form to check to make sure she was still breathing. She was. With a steady breath, Alec got out his phone. He knew things had to change. He couldn’t let this continue. He had spent too long staying quite, letting Maryse call the shots, with her threats of taking Max away. When Alec really stopped and thought about it, he wasn’t even sure she would actually do it. She was much too selfish to actually follow through on her threats, but Alec had always been too scared to test her.

 

With one final glance at the door, Alec left. He made his way to his room, he had to get changed. He had a meeting to attend.

 

<<<>>>

 

 _Shit._ Alec was having second thoughts. Here he was, a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks, in a prestigious art school. Even his nice clothes were considered dreary, he was sure.

 

Alec cleared his throat, “Excuse me, I’m here to see Mr. Kelly...I’m,” Alec starts rubbing his hair, “Alec Lightwood, we have a meeting at 1:30….”

 

The receptionist smiles at him, friendly, “Right, Mr. Lightwood, please have a seat, Mr. Kelly will be with you shortly.”

 

Alec goes to sit but before he gets a chance for his ass to hit the seat, a man with black, square rimmed glasses, chenos, a gray sweater, and a full beard, is calling him back. “Alec...can I call you Alec?” Alec nods, taking the seat that’s offered to him across from Mr. Kelly. “I’m so happy to see you reapplied. Your work is fresh and unique. We don’t get a lot of street artist in here, and it’s nice to get someone not so….how should I say it, _technical_ in here.” Mr. Kelly uses air quotes for the word technical. Alec nods, not sure how he’s supposed to feel.

 

“Now, I see your address is different from when you first applied and turned us down...are you no longer living in San Pedro? Will you still be needing a scholarship? I ask for this purpose, Mr. Lightwood.”

 

Alec squirms in his seat because he’s not sure how he’s supposed to answer this. He knows things are very much up in the air with him and Magnus, but either way, he will need that scholarship. “Yes, I will definitely need the scholarship again, Mr. Kelly, and I’m just staying at a friends temporarily over the summer…”

 

Mr. Kelly nods, “So you don’t know where you’re staying when the semester starts?”

 

Alec shakes his head.

 

“Well, we have on campus dorm options and the scholarship can help cover or you can take out loans if the scholarship doesn’t cover enough, if you wanted to stay here, if not that’s fine too, but let’s apply for the scholarship first then go from there. That sound okay?

 

Alec blew out a breath, relieved he didn’t have the make any decisions right then, but at least he had some options.

 

<<<>>>

 

It was ironic to Alec that Magnus had shown him _his_ spot that he would come to and think, but it had ended up being Alec’s place to come and think. Alec kept finding himself here more and more these days.

 

“Hey hermano, I got your text.” Izzy sat in front of him, the ocean to her back.

 

“Hey.” Alec was hunched over, his body drawn into itself, like he was protecting himself from some unknown threat. Alec looked at Izzy, “I got in…”

 

Izzy eyes went wide with excitement, “To CalArts?”

 

Alec nodded.

 

“Oh my god, Alec! That’s great!” She hugged him.

 

“Yeah, they took me back...I don’t know how we’ll do it.” Alec let go of Izzy, looking down at his hands, in defeat, “With Max, with mom.”

 

“We’ll figure out a way! You have to go, Alec. You can’t pass this up. You’ll be stuck here…”

 

“I don’t feel stuck here,” Alec said, stubbornly, as if saying it would make it true.

 

Izzy smiled at him knowingly, “Yes you do.”

 

Alec didn’t argue, he knew there was no point. They both knew it was true. “We have to find a way to get custody of Max. I can’t leave him…”

 

Izzy understood where Alec was coming from.  Alec was only two years older than her, but sometimes she felt like Alec thought he was the only one who had to take on all the responsibility, who had to bare it all. He was still only twenty-two. “I know, but this isn’t all on you, you have me too, Alec.”

 

Alec shook his head, “I can’t ask you to do that!.”

 

Izzy sighed in frustration, “You aren’t asking me to do anything, Alec! He’s my brother, too. We’ll figure it out, hermano, we always do.” Izzy nudged him, “cheer up! Can we celebrate!”

 

But Alec couldn’t cheer up. He still hadn’t told Izzy that one thing he needed to. She was his sister, who had been there for him through so much shit with their mother, when their dad left. They had cried together when things got so bad they weren’t sure how they would keep going on. When Max got so sick, at six months, shortly after Robert left and their mother was nowhere to be found, they were only teenagers and they had to walk Max to the free clinic in town in the rain. They were the ones who held on as they made sure they stuck together to make sure they were never taken away and put into foster care. _This was Izzy._

 

Alec leaned forward, arms wrapped around his middle. “There’s something I really need to tell you.”

 

“I already know.”

 

Alec blinked, not sure what to say. He wasn’t expecting Izzy to say that.

Izzy looked at Alec, she had kindness, understanding, love, acceptance in her eyes. “I’ve suspected for awhile. Then when I heard Max talking about Magnus...” Izzy smiles, “Best, awesome, so cool, best friend Mangus, as Max likes to put it….then I heard Maryse say some not so pleasant things that I don’t care to repeat. Then there’s been your sneaking around. It just made sense. All the pieces fit.” Izzy looks up and playfully pushes Alec’s shoulder, “Plus, I knew there was always a reason you loved to watch the men’s diving competitions on TV with me so much, Alec!” She winked at him.

 

Alec chuckled, “Izzy…” He whined, playfully. And just like that, that’s all Alec needed. “Iz...I’m gay and it’s taking me so long to even utter those words out loud. I've been so scared that those words will make me lose everything when really, me being such a coward is what is making me lose everything, not being gay.

 

Izzy grabs Alec’s hands, “Hey...you haven't lost everything. You still have me and Max, and I’m sure you still have Magnus. I’m sure whatever has happened between you two can still be repaired.

 

Alec shakes his head in denial. “I don't know if it can Iz...I’m scared I’m too late.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

Alec doesn’t hesitate nodding his head yes.

 

“Then isn't it worth trying?”

 

Alec looks out over the ocean. “Yeah.”

 

<<<>>>

 

“Hey bro, I thought I’d come help you pack…”

 

Magnus closed his eyes, not sure if he was touched by Jace’s gesture or annoyed. A part of Magnus just wanted to wallow in his heartbreak, to be honest.

 

“I’m almost finished for today...So there’s not much to do. I mean, I know you like to show off those big muscles of yours you've been working on in college, but I’m good. I’m actually about to get a drink.” Magnus makes a graceful turn to the liquor bar, decided to forgo the ice, and straight for a double shot of whisky. He had a feeling his was going to need it. Jace looked in the talking mood. “You want one?” Magnus waved the glass in the air.

 

Jace held up his hand, “I’m good.”

 

Jace turning down alcohol... _What was the world coming too. More for me,_ Magnus thought. Magnus shrugged, pouring himself another.

 

“Talk to me, man.”

 

Magnus shook his head, “I’d rather drink.”

 

Jace sighs…”I know I’m not good at this...and I wasn’t exactly there for you during the Camille thing, but this is different. This is Alec…”

 

Magnus winces at the name, hearing it said out loud. He downs his shot. “There’s nothing to talk about...it’s over. You know that.”

 

“If that were true, you wouldn't be here, trying to get three-sheets-to-the-wind as quick as possible. And Alec...Alec is so new to all this man, his life is complicated, he doesn’t know how to deal with all this.”

 

Magnus throws his glass across the room, watching it shatter against the wall, “You think I don’t know that?” Magnus shouts, “I tried to be there for him Jace, but it didn’t matter what I said and did, he just pushed me away!”

 

Jace walks over to Magnus, hand on his shoulder. Magnus’ bows his head, tears streaming down his face, not bothering to hide them from his brother.  

 

“Do you remember that one time...Alec was maybe sixteen or seventeen and it was around Christmas time?”

 

Magnus nods, he would have been around twenty-five at the time.

 

“Alec would come over and he would get really quiet all the time, and be in a pissed off mood. He hardly had time for me, and I would always get mad because he was working all the time. He started yelling at me one day, calling me selfish, how I didn’t appreciate anything, I had it all….a mom, dad, money...all this shit...I was so mad. He left pissed. I didn’t see him for weeks after that. Then one day he came back. I asked what changed and he never told me.”

Magnus didn’t need Jace to finish the story, he knew what made him change his mind.

 

_Magnus couldn’t take much more of Jace’s complaining. He was constantly calling him or every time he came over, telling him about how Alec was being unreasonable. All he wanted to do was “spend time with him and he was always working or too busy for him,” Jace had said. Magnus knew had Jace could get, jealous as hell. He was spoiled and entitled. He didn’t understand what it was like to be poor, to have to work for everything you had and it still not be enough._

 

_“Maybe he’s just tired of seeing your ugly face all day long...you ever think of that?” Magnus joked._

 

_Jace didn’t say anything back. He just continued staring at the TV, watching some movie that he had seen numerous times before. “What, no witty retort?”_

 

_Jace didn’t even bother looking up, “Maybe next time, bro.”_

 

_It was how Magnus found himself at Alec’s doorstep one Sunday afternoon. Magnus knew where Alec lived because he had picked Alec up and dropped him over the years when the boys didn’t have license and he did. It always made him feel old. It was hard to believe he was eight years older than Alec._

 

_Magnus knocked on the door, the paint peeling off. A young teenage girl with long dark hair, holding a baby that couldn’t be more than a few months old answered the door. Magnus knew it was Alec’s sister. He didn’t think she had a baby. He was pretty sure his mother just had another baby._

 

_“Can I help you?” She asked._

 

_Magnus removed his sunglasses, “Yeah...I’m looking for Alec. Is he home?”_

 

_She nodded. “Come on in.”_

 

_Magnus did. He made his way into the front door that directly opened up into a small living room. He took a seat on the couch._

 

_“You must be Magnus, Jace’s brother.”_

 

_Magnus knew his looks gave him away fairly easy, so if Alec told her at all about him, she could put two and two together. Magnus nodded, “Izzy?”_

_“Alec!” She yelled from the living room._

 

_“This here is Max,” She said._

 

_Magnus was about to say say hi to Max when Alec made his way into the living room._

 

_“Yeah, Iz?..Magnus?” He asked, confused, eyes focusing on Magnus who was seated in his living room._

 

_Magnus stood up. “Yeah...Alec, I’m sorry to just stop by, but I really need to talk to you.”_

 

_Alec’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Did Jace send you?”_

 

_Izzy had left at this point, giving them privacy._

 

_“No...I’m here without his knowledge. Listen, I know Jace is a spoiled brat and he doesn’t understand how the real world works sometimes, but since he’s been friends with you he’s better. He’s…” Magnus laughs awkwardly, “how should I say this…”_

 

_Magnus looks at Alec, he doesn’t provide any help, just waits. “He’s less stuck up...more humble. Got less of a stick up his ass.”_

 

_Alec rolls his eyes, “Well if he’s better with me as his friend, I can’t imagine what he’d be like if I wasn’t his friend.”_

 

_Magnus laughs, “Yeah, well...See that’s why I need you to stop giving him the silent treatment and go back to being his friend.” Magnus folds his hands together, like a prayer._

 

_“It’s not that simple.” Alec says._

 

_Magnus nods, understanding where Alec is coming from, what he is trying to say. “I know it’s not. I know what it’s like to have to work for everything you have.” Magnus looks around at the modest house that is small but clean, full of secrets, heartbreak, and love, “to need to work just to make it to tomorrow, but we can’t push those we love away. Jace loves you, man. You’re his best friend. He may not understand your world, but how’s he ever going to if you don’t give him a chance to?_

 

Jace pulls Magnus back from his memory, “I know it was you, Magnus. You didn’t let him push me away.”

 

Magnus didn’t know it at the time, but that would have been around the time Alec’s dad left them, and things started getting really bad with his mom...it all made sense now.

 

Magnus didn’t say anything, but his silence was all the confirmation Jace needed.

 

“Do you love him?” Jace asks.

 

All Magnus can do is nod.

 

“Then keep fighting, don’t let him push you away.”

  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And Alec was overwhelmed with the amount of love he felt. When Maryse’s words and threats usually left him hurting and beaten down, he no longer felt that way. He knew how lucky he was to have the people he had in his life, and no matter how much Maryse tried to take that away, she couldn't. Alec had Max, Izzy, Jace, and Magnus, they helped him see that. Life wasn’t about where you were born, where you started. Mangus and Alec were proof of that; it was how you made the best of those circumstance, survived those circumstance, and still managed to hold onto the goodness in all the ugliness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, so this is the last chapter!!! Ahhhh, it's been so much fun writing this story! I will do an epilogue in the next couple of days! 
> 
> I hope you like:) Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos!! You guys are the best! <3 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

“Do you believe in fate?” Alec whispers, next to Magnus, both overlooking the ocean.

 

The ocean, it had become a staple in their relationship, a part of who they were, what defined them in some ways.

 

Magnus doesn’t say anything for a minute, he continues to stare out into the sea. Even though his heart soared with hopefulness at Alec’s text to meet him at his spot ( _their spot)_. He couldn't help feeling anxious as if Alec was about to break his heart completely, utterly, with finality.

 

Magnus nods, “Yes...sometimes fate is a nasty bitch, though.”

 

Alec chuckles, “God, I’ve missed you.”

 

“Then why did you leave?” Magnus blows out a breath, “why did you push me away?” Magnus still won’t look at Alec, afraid if he does, he won’t be able to continue what he needs to say, and this conversation is long overdue.

 

Alec heaves a heavy sigh, “Magnus, I messed up. I made a mistake. I got…” Alec put his hands in his pockets, turning his head to look at Magnus, “I got scared. And you were right. I use my family as a crutch to push people away and not try. This isn’t about being gay, Magnus...this wasn’t about you.” Alec puts his hand on Magnus’ arm. “You have to know that.”

 

Magnus finally turns around to look at Alec. “I do know that...at least now. Believe it or not, Jace helped me figure that one out.” Magnus smiles slightly at the memory, the smile not meeting his eyes. “I’ve known you since you were a bratty ten-year-old, Alec. I should have expected you to start pushing me away when things got tough.”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

Magnus nods.

 

Alec steps closer, feeling Magnus’ warmth, but not close enough to feel like it’s enough. “You sent in my application to CalArts?”

 

Magnus doesn’t say anything. He doesn't need to. Alec knows he did; otherwise, he wouldn't have asked.

 

“Why would you do that?” Alec questions.

 

And Magnus for the life of him can’t figure out how Alec could be so oblivious, it’s infuriating. “Why do you think, Alec? You think I just put up with this shit for anybody? You ever wonder why I still haven’t went back to LA?” Alec goes to interrupt, “Magn--”

 

“I mean why would I stick around after the man I love broke my heart and send his application into art school because I believe in him more than anything, that his art is such a thing of beauty, it’s a crime to not share it with the world! I don’t know Alec, why would I do all of that!” Magnus’ voice is raised, not quite shouting, but not his normal tone either.

 

Alec blinks, breathing labored, “You love me?”

 

Magnus groans, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration, “You stupid man-child, where have you been this last month! Of course I love you!”

 

Alec’s hands reach out to cup Magnus’ face, bringing his forehead to rest on his. “I love you, too. And it’s Alexander, not Alec.” And Alec kisses him, slow a gentle because he’s missed him and needed to savor every detail of Magnus’ lips and touch of his face.

 

Magnus grabs onto Alec’s hips, grabbing tightly. He sighs in contentment, as if he can finally breathe again for the first time in weeks.

 

Alec pulls back, only a fraction, still stroking Magnus’ hair. “I got in,” he says, smiling.

 

Magnus breaks out in a wide smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling, “Are you serious! Alexander!” Magnus hugs him, the kind of hug that you feel from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, “I knew it! I knew you could do it!”

 

Alec laughs. He’s not sure what he’s more excited about, putting a smile on Magnus’ face or that fact he just called him Alexander again. “Will you help me?” He asked, trying to hide the slight nervousness in his voice.

 

Magnus is still holding him, mouthing into his shoulder, “Anything.”

 

Alec pulls back to fully look at Magnus. “I got a full ride, and I really want to go this time. I turned it down last time because of everything happening with Max and mom.” Alec bites his lip, “and you did say you lived close…”

 

Magnus nods, no hesitation on his part, “Let’s do it.”

 

“Wait Magnus, there’s more. I mean before you say yes, you have to know it’s not that simple...There’s Max, and my mom drama, and I have to find a way to get him away from her….for good.”

 

Magnus goes to speak but Alec won’t let him. “Magnus, do you understand what I’m telling you?”

 

Magnus reaches up and cups Alec’s cheek. “You want to raise your brother? That’s what you’re saying? Hmm?”

 

Alec swallows, realizing this could be the deal breaker, that even though he and Magnus have known each other for years, they’d only been together a short time, asking this of him was a lot. It was too much really, and Alec understood if he couldn’t do it.

 

“You never cease to amaze me, Alexander.”

 

“In good ways I hope…?”

 

“You are the most selfless person I know. Your love for your brother and sister is part of the reason I love you. How could I ever say no to that? Besides, blueberry and I have so much to do together and I, for one, and looking forward to it!”

 

Alec’s wiping away tears as Magnus speaks, wondering how he got so lucky, how such a man like Magnus Bane exists. He’s not sure what he did in life to get to this point, but he’s glad fate led him here, led him to Magnus.

 

<<<>>>

 

Alec blew out a long breath. He was nervous. He tried not to be, he had Magnus there for support, assuring him everything was going to be okay. He had just gotten off the phone with Izzy, explaining what he wanted to do. She seemed happy with it. She was there at the house anyway, and told Alec to hurry because Maryse was getting ready to leave with one of her guys again, and they needed to get this done now--no more waiting.

 

Magnus could see Alec was nervous, his mother a constant bully in his life that he’s always been scared to face. Magnus grabbed his hand, giving Alec the support he needed to face his demons.

 

Magnus and Alec made their way into the house. Alec still hadn’t let go of Magnus’ hand, afraid if he did, he wouldn't have the courage to continue.

 

She was there, bag in hand. Max was in the living room, asking if he could watch TV.

 

Maryse looks up, eyes narrowing at Alec then at Magnus. She sees them holding hands, a look of disgust evident on her face.

 

Izzy had made her way into the living room by now, a silent fixture in the back. Alec knew better, Izzy was buying her time.

 

“Magnus!” Max yells, running to him.

 

Magnus picks him up, hugging him tight. “Blueberry, I’ve missed you.”

 

“Robert, go take Max to his room.” She says, never taking her eyes of Magnus.

 

“No...Izzy or Magnus can take him.” Alec says.

 

Maryse scoffs, “He’s not going near _my_ child! Put him down, now!”

 

Alec rolls his eyes.

 

“I”ll take him.” Izzy takes Max from Magnus.

 

“I wanna stay with Magnus!” Max cries.

 

“Shut the fuck up, you brat!”

 

Alec doesn’t even have time to think before he reacts, punching Robert in the face, “Don’t you ever fucking talk to him like that again!” He shouts in his face as he falls on his back, spit flying everywhere.

 

Magnus is pulling him back, “Hey, hey, hey! Alexander! It’s okay,” whispering in his ear.

 

Maryse is screaming, down the the floor with her peice of shit man, “Baby, are you okay?” He slaps her hands away. She looks up at Alec, glaring, “What the fuck, Alec!”

 

Alec doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head in disappointment and disgust, trying to lessen the sting, the piece of shit’s hard head did to his hand, he shakes it.

 

Magnus grabs Alec’s hand to check it over, but Robert gets up, charging after him, and before Alec has a chance to even react and defend himself, Magnus has the guy pend to the door by his throat. “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

 

Maryse is screaming at Magnus to let him go, that they were crazy.

 

“Enough, Maryse.”

 

It must have been something in Alec’s tone because she looks at him, startled, not saying a word.

 

Magnus eases up on Robert’s throat, “I suggest you get going and don’t come back, if you knows what’s good for you.”

 

Robert coughs, “Gladly, she ain’t worth the hassle.”

Magnus moves the guy forward, opens the door for him, then shoves him out the door, onto his ass.

 

If this was any other time, and possibly any other circumstance, Alec has no doubt he’d be turned on.

 

“See what you did!” Maryse screams, “both of you get out of my house! I’ll never forgive you for this, Alec! You faggots can go live happily ever after and you’re never seeing Max again!” She’s seething, her face gone red. Alec finds that her words have little affect on him, and he’s not sure if it’s because of Magnus’ unwavering support or the fact he’s become immune to her ugliness and empty threats.

 

“No.” Alec says, simple to the point.

 

“What do you mean, no?”

 

Alec doesn’t miss a step, this conversation long overdue. “I think we both know that’s nothing but an empty threat. You are too selfish to take Max...it would be too much work. I mean..” Alec laughs bitterly, “we both know you’re too busy getting drunk and high...hell both most of the time these days. You don’t want the responsibility of a kid. That’s what me and Izzy are here for… We’re here to pay for everything, take care of Max while you collect the checks from the state for Max.”

 

“You shut your filthy mouth, I’m his mother!”

 

Alec shakes his head, “No...maybe at one time you had potential, but you’re nothing but a bad rash that just won’t go away. So I’m telling you Maryse, go away. This ends now. You don’t want us, we don’t want you. Let us live our lives free of you and you are free to do as you want.” Alec can see she’s becoming visibility upset, tears starting to form, panic rising in her face.

 

“You’re not kicking me out of my own house! Have you lost your mind?” She laughs, on the verge of tears and hysterics.

 

Alec feels nothing.

 

“I know.” Alec nods, “you can keep the house. Izzy will move out; she’s thinking of getting a place with Simon and going to Cosmetology school downtown, and me, I got into CalArts. Max will live with me and Magnus, and we will alternate weekends with Izzy, summer, and holidays.”

 

Maryse’s breathing becomes more labored. “You’re not taking my son to live with that! To pervert his little mind!” She’s shouting.

 

Alec steps up to her, “You don’t think you’ve done enough? The drinking, drugs, neglect? Max loves Magnus...he will get to live in LA in an apartment overlooking the ocean, attending one of the best schools in the state. This isn’t about Max. This is about you once again not wanting to be left. Well guess what, you lost that right when you decided to put all this shit before being our mother.” Alec waves his hand at her, “You don’t want to test me on this Maryse, I’ve been getting evidence against you. I’ve got video proof, pictures, I have characters reference and I’ve talked to a lawyer. You will lose…” Alec was bluffing on the lawyer part. He technically hasn’t talked to a lawyer, but Maryse didn’t need to know that. He knows if it comes to that, he’d figure it out, with Magnus by his side.

 

Maryse’s tears stream down her face, she wipes them aggressively with the back of her hand. “And if I fight, take you to court?”

 

Alec shakes his head, “You’re welcome to try, but instead of giving up Max who you don’t truly want to take care of anyway, you run the risk of going to jail. It’s your call…”

 

Maryse looks down at her hands, blowing out a long breath, nodding in defeat, “What do I have to do?”

 

Alec sags in relief, looking back at Magnus, who was looking at him with so much pride and love, he knew as long he had that look in his life he could continue to do anything.

 

Alec noticed Izzy in the doorway, leaning against it. She hadn’t needed to step in. For once, Alec was able to do this on his own, be the one to stand up for his family. The pride in her eyes was more than his heart could take for one day.

 

And Alec was overwhelmed with the amount of love he felt. When Maryse’s words and threats usually left him hurting and beaten down, he no longer felt that way. He knew how lucky he was to have the people he had in his life, and no matter how much Maryse tried to take that away, she couldn't. Alec had Max, Izzy, Jace, and Magnus, they helped him see that. Life wasn’t about where you were born, where you started. Mangus and Alec were proof of that; it was how you made the best of those circumstance, survived those circumstance, and still managed to hold onto the goodness in all the ugliness.

 

<<<>>>

 

“Hey buddy, I know it’s a new place, but we’ve been here before. Remember when Magnus fed you all sorts of goodies for dinner?” Alec was stroking Max’s hair, as he laid in bed at Magnus and Jace’s parents beach house. They still had a lot to pack and get ready to move to the house in LA. They also had to figure out everything with Max, so Alec could legally gain custody. It could take awhile. But tonight everyone was exhausted; it could wait till tomorrow. Right now they were together and that’s all that mattered.

 

Max nods his head, “I remember. Can Magnus come in here too?” He asks, voice full of sleep.

 

“Already here my little blueberry.” Magnus had been leaning against the doorway, watching.

 

Magnus laid down on the other side of Max.

 

“Magnus, will you hold my hand?” Max asks.

 

Magnus smiles, heart melting, “Of course.” Magnus grabs Max’s hand.

 

“Promise me you won’t leave again and not come back…”

 

Magnus’ heart clenches, as he lays his head down next to Max, vowing right then and there that he would never let him and his brother go, he’d protect them from the world and every evil thing that tried to hurt them.

 

“I promise. You’re my little blueberry, and I’ll never leave you or your brother.” Magnus looks at Alec, who’s on the other side of Max. He’s smiling at him with so much emotion and love and his eyes, Magnus wanted to weep.

 

Alec reaches out and puts his hand on top of the hand that his holding Max’s and they all fell asleep, ready to face whatever tomorrow brings, together.

  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is here, guys! 
> 
> OR is it? I don't know! LOL! Maybe I will do a 3 part fic that shows a continuation of their life when they move to LA or something to that effect. 
> 
> You guys have been amazing!!! Thank you so much for the kudos and comments!!! XOXOXO
> 
> <3

Epilogue 

 

“Alec! Magnus! Look!” Max shouts. He had finally managed to stand on his surfboard for longer than a few seconds. 

 

Alec and Magnus were already watching, haven’t taken their eyes off him as they stand near the water’s edge, ready to dive in if Max needs any help. They’re both smiling, clapping for him. 

 

Max has been working so hard, conquering his fear of water and the ocean; he even loves it now, and Alec thinks they’ll make quite the little surfer out of him yet.

 

“Holy shit, Mighty Max! You’ll be a pro before you know it!” Jace is jogging to them, a six pack of beer in his hands, as Clary trails behind with Izzy and Simon and a cooler of food and drinks.

 

Max is startled by Jace and the next thing he knows he’s fallen off his board, into the water. Magnus is first to react. He wades into the water, pulling Max up, “You alright, Blueberry?”

 

Max is spluttering, “Did you see how long I lasted, Magnus?” Unaffected by the fact he’d just fallen or gotten his face wet, only caring that he succeeded in making Magnus and Alec proud.

 

“Sure did! You were awesome! Next you’ll be teaching me.” Magnus takes Max’s board, grabbing his hand as they make their way to shore. 

 

Alec turns around and glares at Jace, who’s looking sheepish, hands in the air as if to say,  _ my bad, dude. _

 

Everyone’s there, at least everyone that matters. Izzy insisted they do a send-off before Alec and Max leave tomorrow. Everything is packed and moved into Magnus’ apartment. They’ve even spent a few nights there to get Max used to it; he’s most excited about decorating his room. 

 

Alec was granted temporary guardianship of Max, next is adopting him, which is going to be longer and harder than he anticipated, but he will do it. He will do anything for Max.  

 

Max sits in the sand, near the fire that had just been built, peeking into the cooler, “Did you bring me hot dogs, Uncle Jace?”

 

Jace feans shock, “You think I wouldn't bring my little dude his hot dogs? What do you take me for?” Jace searches in the cooler, producing the hot dogs, throwing them in the air for Max to try and catch. 

 

Max is laughing, missing the hot dogs, but enjoying the game. “Again,” he shouts. 

 

“So hermano, you ready to start school? Remember you can come and see us and stay anytime...we have a spare, and I know it’s for Max but we have a pullout couch too. ” Izzy is rambling, as she tries to hide the sadness in her voice. Simon reaches over and puts his arm around her, trying to comfort her.

 

Alec doesn’t answer her question. “I’m going to miss you too, Iz. We will talk all the time, and you know we will visit all the time as well. This isn’t goodbye, you know that.” Alec looks at his sister. She nods, wiping a tear from her eye. “And you better come visit us too.”  

 

She smiles through her sadness, “Oh hell yeah, imagine the shopping I can do in LA!” 

 

Alec chest feels a little lighter at that. He hates to see his sister sad. 

 

“Right,” Magnus clears his throat, getting everyone’s attention. 

 

“I just have something I want to say…” 

 

Alec looks up. Magnus has stood up, hands in his pockets. Everyone is watching him. Magnus who presence demands attention, who’s impossible to not notice when he’s in the room. Alec smiles, thankful he gets to call Magnus  _ his. _

 

“I just want to thank you all for coming. For helping us pack...” Magnus eyes Jace, 

 

“Here, here!” Jace says, mouth full of hot dog. 

 

Clary slaps his arm.

 

“I know I shouldn’t speak for Alexander, but I know how much he loves and appreciates all of you. I just wanted you all to know that I do as well. Since me and Alexander, I’ve gained so much…” Magnus stops, he looks at Alec, as if drawing courage from him, “I came from such a tragic and horrible beginning, and I’m not going to get into, but I had so little, and now I have so much since coming here, since meeting Alexander.” Magnus pauses, “family,” he breathes, “So...” Magnus clears his throat, “thank you.” 

 

Alec stands up, kissing Magnus lightly on the lips before hugging him tight. He knew they had an audience, but he didn’t care. 

 

“Right, let’s eat.” Alec says. 

 

Once Magnus and Alec pull away from the hug, Alec grabs Magnus’ hand, lacing their fingers together, not letting go as they sat back down by the fire, surrounded by their family. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
